I Give You to River by Linda Rodriguez

I GIVE YOU TO RIVER, a poem for National Poetry Month (reprinted from Linda Rodriguez Writes – April 25, 2019)

Like my ancestors before me, I love rivers. The peace of running water always calms me, watching it ripple past slowly, hearing the murmur of the water over rocks and
branches and the swish of it against the banks, spying the many lives that live along the river–fish, turtles, snakes, muskrats, beavers,   hawks, and eagles. For millennia, my people have always chosen to settle near rivers.

When I was growing up, I was taught to go to water when troubled or ill. Running water is strong medicine, good medicine. We pray next to it, and then use it to wash away whatever is troubling our hearts, minds, or bodies. Sometimes a creek or brook will work for me, but if I’m truly heartsick, I seek out a river.

This poem is another in a series of poems that I have posted to celebrate National Poetry Month. It is an exploration of this practice of going to water when troubled. In the worst kind of pain and grief, sometimes only a river can provide any release. For a healing ceremony, one needs to build a fire, say the right prayers, make an offering, but sometimes in the worst straits, it can be simply you and the river.

I GIVE YOU TO RIVER

Turning to the water for release

from my troubles, from you,

I write your name in my palm with my
finger,

then brush off the invisible letters

into the river currents passing at my
feet.

I ask River to carry them out of my
heart and mind,

carry them away from my life, remove
all that darkness

that is you infesting my mind against
my will,

replaying memories that were nothing

but playacting on your part,

though my heart tries to find excuses,

for all the deliberate pain.

I have to face it finally—there are
none.

Hard to believe, but even harder to
find

I still long for you.

This stubborn heart won’t give up.

So I barricade it, keep it safe from
its stupid fidelity,

while I wait for River to carry out
magic,

carry your name and games far from me,

set me free finally with the power of
moving water,

my own inborn element,

which carves memories of trauma from
the earth itself

and leaves wondrous scars.

Published in Dark Sister (Mammoth Publications, 2018)