Shark versus Machine
I was saddened to hear of the passing of Janet Reid, a.k.a., the Query Shark. As an aspiring author, I followed her blog posts on query letters and was fortunate to get a private critique by the Query Shark herself. Her comments and suggestions were spot on, but more than that, she appeared to care about the success of a newbie author. Even after exchanging three or four revisions of my query letter, the Shark emailed she found the perfect comp title for my story.
Who could replace such a publishing icon?
Like most writers, I’ve been educating myself about the explosion of artificial intelligence. I serve on the board of the Rocky Mountain Chapter of MWA and am researching an upcoming talk I’ll be presenting on the current state of artificial intelligence. During my research, I was surprised to learn some writers use ChatGPT for critique. Some even anthropomorphize the software, calling it “Chatty.”
I decided to take Chatty out for a spin. For authenticity, I found a query letter on the Query Shark’s website from July 30, 2023 (https://queryshark.blogspot.com ) to submit for a critique.
So how did Chatty stack up again the Shark? For a comparison, here is Chatty vs. Shark for each portion of the italicized query letter. Let me know which you prefer.
There are stories that never get told, but need to be. TITLE, a 92.000 upmarket women’s historical fiction tells the remarkably true stories of three generations of Italian women as they face World War II, the Fascist Movement, immigration, unexpected pregnancies, and a global pandemic. Challenging societal expectations, they experience the love, loss, and yearning for better that binds us all across generations.
Chatty says: |
Shark says: |
| Clarify the Genre: While you mention “upmarket women’s historical fiction,” it might be helpful to briefly explain what this genre entails or how your book fits within it. This can provide agents with a better understanding of the market positioning of your novel. | Are you thinking this is a hook?
(it’s not) It’s more like the start of a book review. An effective hook gives us a sense of the problem that drives the book. Here’s the hook for All Roads Lead Me Back to You by Kennedy Foster [omitted for brevity] See the difference? The characters have an emotional component and we see what problem they face. |
Vittoria was born in a small town in Northern Italy in 1914. Growing up in the absolute poverty of a war torn country, she longs for better and isn’t afraid to take on anyone, even Mussolini himself to find it. But challenging societal norms takes unexpected turns and soon she finds herself with the broken promise of a soldier, a growing belly, and no ring.
Anna was born an illegitimate child amidst the height of World War II. Distrustful of men, yet always seeking their attention, she solicits the attention of the boy next door– the one with big dreams, who soon leaves for Canada, asking Anna to join him. She sees a chance for a new land, a new start, a new life. Who needs love when you have an opportunity?
Grace was born the child of immigrants. Trying to make something of herself, she is tired of trying and quitting a million things – including relationships. No sooner does she commit to completing her master’s degree, then she meets Jax, and everything comes together and falls apart. Suddenly, there are too many choices and one big question: How does one define “better”?
Chatty says: |
Shark says: |
| Condense the Synopsis: The synopsis for each character could be shortened slightly to maintain a strong narrative flow and to ensure that the query remains concise. Focus on the most compelling aspects of each character’s story.
|
You’ve introduced three characters here, but there’s no plot.
Plot isn’t what happens. It’s not the events of the book. Plot is choices the characters face and what’s at stake with those choices You must have plot in a query, even if you’re querying a character-driven book. You also don’t tell us how these women are connected. (Are they?) Three generations makes me think they’re related to each other, but that’s not obvious from the query. Also, by introducing all three characters equally, you can’t focus on the start of the story. If the story begins with Vittoria, let’s give her more page time. If the story starts with one of the other two, lead with her, give her more page time. You have a limited amount of space here to engage your reader. Focus on how the story starts. Vittoria (or whomever) wants to (what?) BUT, (problem) prevents her. Now she must (choose a path.) Get that on the page first. Then show how the characters are linked. You do NOT need the details of Anna and Grace, unless one of them is the main character, not Vittoria. |
TITLE would be the love child of Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, What We Carry: A Memoir by Maya Shanbhag Lang, and The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah.
Chatty says: |
Shark says: |
| Comparative Titles: The comparison to other books is helpful for agents to understand the market potential of your novel, but try to be more specific about how your book relates to these titles. What elements or themes do they share? | Resist the urge to be clever with comps.
Just say your book will appeal to readers who liked: Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, This is a memoir. Don’t use NF as a comp for a novel, even historical fiction. What We Carry: A Memoir by Maya Shanbhag Lang, also a memoir and The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. This was pubbed in 2017 so it’s too old to be an effective comp. If you take a look at the Amazon description of Sisters in Arms by Kaia Alderson, you’ll see there is conflict and tension (which is what you need in the query) |
A melding of immigration, identity, I have my master’s in English with an emphasis in Technical Writing, and currently work as a content creator and SEO specialist. When I’m not working or writing you can find me reading a million children’s books to my one and two year old sons (or removing whatever object they’ve found to turn into a sword). I’m passionate about telling untold stories in literature, the stories that make us feel like we aren’t alone.
Chatty says: |
Shark says: |
| Personal Connection: Your personal background in English with an emphasis in Technical Writing and your work as a content creator and SEO specialist could be highlighted more prominently, especially if these experiences have influenced or informed your writing in any significant way. | I am querying you because (whatever). |
Thank you for your time and consideration of my submission.
Best regards,
Chatty says: |
Shark Says: |
| Closing Statement: Consider adding a sentence that expresses your willingness to provide additional materials or answer any questions the agent may have. This can demonstrate your professionalism and eagerness to work with them. | Thank you for your time and consideration of my submission.
Best regards, You only need one closing. |
Not a bad critique from Chatty but the advice offered is generic and superficial—advice that could apply to almost any query letter. Let’s see how the program opened the critique:
Your query is well-written and engaging, with a clear synopsis of your book and its themes. However, there are a few suggestions to consider for improvement:
And ended with:
Overall, your query effectively conveys the essence of your book and your passion for storytelling. With a few adjustments, it could become even more compelling to agents.
The Shark’s comments aren’t nearly as kind, but that’s because agents and publishers aren’t going to treat writers with kid gloves. It’s a competitive business. Janet Reid’s query critique provides blunt, honest, and actionable feedback from someone who’s spent her career in the publishing trenches.
I can understand the allure of tools like Chatty, but the Query Shark did more than provide a service. She showed aspiring authors what to expect. No offense to Chatty (although I doubt its feelings can be hurt), but a computer program doesn’t care if a writer succeeds. With her generosity and acumen, Janet Reid did. She showed it every time she put out her blog.
R.I.P. Query Shark.
Interesting comparison, Brooke. We’ve lost a staple in our publishing industry. Thank you for sharing and writing about your experience with Janet Reid.
Brooke, a few months ago, I did something similar, an experiment to see how intelligent AI really was. I asked it to create a book in the Anastasia Pollack Crafting Mystery Series. Keeping in mind that the first chapter of all my books are readily available on every e-commerce book site, as well as my own website, you’d think ChatGPT would find enough information to come up with something plausible. Far from it. It failed miserable. Nothing in the story it produced was remotely similar to the books in my series, and it even turned the pets into humans!
You provided another excellent example of why human creativity is still needed!
This is a fascinating article! So glad you posted it, Brooke. I’m going to sign up for your blog right now.
The comparisons are amazing. Thanks for sharing, and thanks for the heartfelt tribute to Janet Reid.
Love this comparison. Janet was unique. Years ago, she used to attend the Long Island Romance Writers’ luncheons when I was a member. I remember how she regaled us with stories. I loved running into her in the lobby at Malice and enjoying a chat. So many of us who weren’t her clients got to talk to her because she was open to conversation if she wasn’t occupied. A true icon who will be missed. There’s no one like her.
First, let me join the group praising Janet for her willingness to befriend established and newbie writers. Our exchanges in person and through emails encompassed both. Second, your contrast between the Shark and Chatty’s comments made your point well. Excellent blog.
What an interesting post, Brooke! Another reason to keep writing the old-fashioned way.
I did not know she was gone. What a loss to the writing community. Thank you for that tribute.
This makes me very sad. I also got a critique from Janet, and encouragement. I used to love reading her posts. On a humorous note, I also call ChatGPT “Chatty.” Thanks so much for the tribute.