The Five Languages of Love
by Paula Gail Benson
On Valentine’s Day, I learned something. I was reading Cynthia Ruchti’s message in the Guideposts devotional book Mornings with Jesus 2025. Ruchti wrote about caring for her husband when he was debilitated during an illness. She found that some of the more difficult tasks required all her strength. At times, she had to tell her husband she “could not speak to him in all 5 languages of love” that day.
Ruchti challenged her readers to look up the 5 languages, so I did. They have been identified by Gary Chapman in his book, The Five Languages of Love: the Secret to Love that Lasts.
According to Wikipedia, Gary D. Chapman is an author, radio host, and counselor on the staff of Calvary Baptist Church in Winston Salem, North Carolina (since 1971). Amazon lists him having 11 books on the subject, including ones focused on children, teenagers, men, singles, work relationships, apologies, and how God shows love to people.
Chapman identified the 5 languages as:
Touch—physical connection, caress, kiss, intimacy
Words of Affirmation—praise, kindness, recognition
Acts of Service—providing aid, taking on another’s obligation, relieving a burden
Receiving Gifts—presents, items the other person needs or wants, unexpected and delightful surprises
Quality Time—focus on someone through attention, eye contact, listening, and seeking to understand
Gary D. Chapman–Photo from Wikipedia
I began to wonder about stories that might spring from the ability or inability to communicate with these languages. I could imagine humorous situations that could arise from trying, but failing to offer the needed words, acts, gifts, or quality time. Just as an example, consider O. Henry’s “The Gift of the Magi.” But, I wondered, how could you miss on touch?
Then, it occurred to me. Medical conditions affect the ability to express and enjoy touch. What are conditions when we lose our sense of touch? Neuropathy? Loss of arms or legs, which would generally be used to embrace or caress? Perhaps a person would have to figure out how to touch another using a feather, cloth, or brush? The importance would be more to the person receiving the touch rather than the person giving it.
As I considered it, I realized the focus in all these languages is upon the pleasure they offer the recipient. Seeing the receiver’s satisfaction is what should lead to the giver’s happiness.
Which of the 5 languages did you give or receive on Valentine’s Day? How might you write about them in a story?
Paula, interesting post and great observations. Not only the five languages of love but of friendship, I would think. And senses are so important as in eyesight. “You look nice today.” Hearing, “perhaps some music to make you feel better.” Smell, “I made your favorite dessert.” Human interaction in other words and what writers strive for in storytelling. Thanks for making me think this morning.
Very interesting
I never thought about there being different love languages. Thanks for the eye-opener!
Tickling is another kind of touch, one that can be affectionate or pure torture , depending on the sensitivity of the person involved. An interesting idea to explore. A good writing prompt.
Thank you so much Donnell, Debra, Lois, and Gay for your comments. Gay, I never thought about tickling being pleasure or pain. You’re right. This offers some great writing prompts!