Of Turkeys and Traffic

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we’re flung far and wide this year, people on the move. We’re the stay at home people whereas my parents are the flung-far people. Here at Chez Barbieri we are hosting Jim’s side of the family, which makes us a nice, even dozen. Fortunately, that number represents the maximum occupancy capacity in the house and in particular, around the dining room table, so just one more person and we’d find ourselves elbow to elbow while enjoying my brined turkey.

Mom and Dad have headed south to see my sister who lives in Georgia. In typical Mom/Dad style, they planned on leaving for the South at six in the morning to “beat the traffic” but decided, after a spirited discussion at two in the morning that they would leave then. When my mother called me at two o’clock in the afternoon on the day they were supposed to arrive at my sister’s (their original e.t.d. had them arriving around dinner time) and told me that they were fifteen minutes from her house, I was surprised. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Didn’t you leave at six this morning? Doesn’t it take thirteen hours to get there? (I had visions of my father doing 120 miles per hour down 95 and was wondering how they were still alive. I’m bad at math, as we all know, but even I can figure out that the trip not taking thirteen hours means that they were traveling at very high speeds.)

Mom: Well, Dad got up in the middle of the night and I was watching television so we just decided to leave then. Oh, and by the way, we were supposed to start back the Tuesday after Thanksgiving, but we’re going to leave the Saturday after Thanksgiving instead. You know, to beat the traffic.

Me (incredulously): You haven’t even arrived at your original destination, but you’re already talking about when you’re coming home?

Mom (through gales of hysterical laughter): We’re old! That’s what old people do!

Newsflash: they’re not old. And they shouldn’t be doing what old people do. They’ve got at least ten years before they need to start doing that. But it provided us some good laughs when Mom realized that indeed, they are mostly retired and have nothing to rush back here for. We’ll be eating leftovers for weeks, so surely they’re not anxious to get back to have dinner at our house.

Now, I’ve taken a poll and apparently, many people of retirement age are alternately fascinated and horrified by traffic and will do anything they can to avoid it. A friend’s father begins his trek from Florida at nine at night and drives until he hits…you guessed it…traffic. Only then will he stop to eat and/or go to the bathroom.

I’m thrilled that we’re staying home because the only traffic I will have to contend with will be the backup at the bathroom door as several Barbieri’s attempt to shower and look presentable for the day in the only bathroom with a shower. I’m absolutely positive that “bathroom rage” will ensue. But there is no way that I’m getting up any earlier to “beat the traffic.” I’ll just wait at the back of the line until I see a break in the action and then I’ll make my move. Just like any good driver.

Happy thanksgiving, Stiletto faithful.

Maggie Barbieri

Thanksgiving Past and Present

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On Facebook a challenge was put out to tell something that we are thankful for everyday until Thanksgiving. That is not a hard task for me. I have so much to be thankful for, I’ve been truly blessed by having a loving husband, a large family, many friends, and a career that I love–actually there have been more than one of those.

Today, though, I’d like to write about Thanksgivings past and present.

When we were kids (my sis and I) growing up we always went to my grandparents house in South Pasadena for Thanksgiving along with my aunt, her husband, and their one child, a daughter. We were never allowed to wash or dry grandmother’s good dishes, so we always headed outside. Only a block or two away from grandma’s house were mansions. We loved to walk around and snoop, peeking inside gates and walking up long driveways to gaze at these huge houses. Once my sister and I played tennis (or tried to play) in someone’s tennis court that was right inside the open gates. The people came home and smiled and waved at us. (If kids did something like that today, they would probably be hauled away to juvenile hall.)

After we had our first house–and several children–everyone came to our house for Thanksgiving. We set up tables in the living room in order to have enough room. I was always the cook.

Once we moved to the home we’re in now, I still was the cook and we had all sorts of relatives who came for dinner, plus for many years we had the six women we cared for in our home. This house is bigger and we have a round table with a lazy Susan in the middle that hubby build. We can fit 16 around it and there’s room to set up an extra table or two if need be.

Last year I had a break, we were invited to our youngest daughter’s for Thanksgiving. Our youngest son and wife and their daughter went too. It was a good thing because I could never have cooked a big dinner because I came down with the flu and spent most of my time in bed.

This year we’re having dinner at home again. Guests will be son, wife and grandaughter, my second oldest daughter and her husband, their daughter (another grandaughter) her hubby and three kids, and her other grandma who lives with them. I wouldn’t be surprised if there wasn’t another guest or two, after all my grandson is a preacher–if he learns someone doesn’t have a place to go for Thanksgiving he’ll probably invite whoever it is to come to our place.

My daughter-in-law went with me to shop for the groceries needed and she’ll do the mashed potatoes and a great salsa that she makes with lots and lots of fresh tomatoes, avocados, red onions, cilantro and a jalapeno. Doesn’t sound very Thankgiving-ish, but believe me, it’s delicious. Granddaughter has asked to make the green bean casserole and I’m quite happy to let her.

I don’t like to bake so I ordered my pies from a new little place in town. I’ll pick them up later today.

Believe me, I’ve figured out the easy ways to do everything. We serve buffet style, putting all the food on the kitchen counters. I even use paper plates so I don’t have to spend time doing dishes after we’re through eating.

Of course the TV will be turned to football games, but the kids and I will play our favorite card game, Estimation. That’s sort of become a new Thanksgiving tradition.

And that will be Thanksgiving Present.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, hope you can all be surrounded by those you love as you eat your Thanksgiving meal.

Marilyn

The Thanksgiving Menu

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Evelyn David will be at two Thanksgiving tables this year – a thousand miles apart geographically but just nextdoor in spirit.

Rhonda:
I watched an HGTV cooking special the other night. Four families were competing for $10,000 and the honor of best Thanksgiving feast. They had six hours to prepare the meal from scratch. Each team had 3 members. Each team’s leader was the matriarch of the family. The obligatory turkey ranged from fried, to roasted, to “tofu-ed.” It was fun to see the variety in the menus and the interaction of the families.

My family is from Oklahoma and our traditional Thanksgiving meal is rooted firmly in Southern cuisine. A large turkey is prepared. If it’s not at least 18 pounds, it’s not worth the trouble. It’s thawed over several days in a cooler, then wrestled into the oven by my mom (the only one in the house up at 5 am.)

I get involved in with the preparation of the centerpiece of our meal – the cornbread & sage dressing. It’s very labor intensive – lots of chopping, mixing, and tasting. The recipe is very close to what our ancestors fixed a hundred years ago. Each generation has tweaked the spices – my paternal grandmother added a couple of cans of chopped oysters. My mom and I have added cheese. About ten years ago we invented “dressing balls.” We had more dressing than we could fit in the oven to bake, so we put the leftover raw dressing in greased muffin tins. We baked it after the rest of the meal was done. The result was individual portions of dressing that had a crusty top and sides – perfect for reheating in a microwave for the second, third, and fourth meals with the Thanksgiving leftovers. Now we bake all the dressing in the muffin tins. Modesty aside, I’m sure our Thanksgiving dressing is the best in the world.

The rest of our menu includes gravy, mashed potatoes, a cranberry/apple ring, a pineapple/orange Jell-O dish, green beans, steamed broccoli, baked sweet potatoes with marshmallows, homemade yeast rolls, pumpkin pie, and cherry pie. We wash it all down with gallons of iced tea.

My co-author is from New York but her mother was Southern. We’ve found that we have some of the same traditions and some different.

Marian:
Thanksgiving dinner seems to be set in stone. Sure we can mix it up a little, maybe try a new dessert, but basically my family wants to see the same items on the menu from year to year, regardless of whether I’ve got my Barefoot Contessa apron on or not.

Turkey is a given – although personally I ate all sides last year and never touched the bird. Sweet potatoes with marshmallows is a staple, a salad (which is more an homage to nutrition than actually eaten), and this year I’m trying a new cranberry conserve, but I’ll also have a can of Ocean Spray cranberry jelly for the traditionalists in the group. My daughter wants to make a pecan pie (yum!), and I’m going to make a devil’s food cake with a turkey decoration. If time is running short, it may just be chocolate cake sans the fancy bird – chocolate is a perfect way to express thankfulness.

Equally important to me as what is served, is what it is served on. I have several platters that belonged to my mother, the original Evelyn. A holiday wouldn’t be complete without having those dishes heaped with food – reminding me of wonderful holidays of long ago.

Our latest mystery, Murder Takes the Cake is set during the week before Thanksgiving. In one scene our main female character is debating on how she was going to spend her holiday and with whom.

Murder Takes the Cake – Evelyn David – May 2009

Mac started to walk to the door, but paused. “So what are you doing on Thanksgiving? Jeff and Kathleen want me to join the family, but I’m not up to that scene. You’re probably doing something with your family.…”

“Not this year.” Rachel sighed. “Sam is going skiing with his new girlfriend and my brother is off visiting his fiancée’s family. Kathleen asked me to come too, but I’m not up for that scene either. I thought I’d stay home and feel sorry for myself.”

“So maybe we could do that together? Or if we got really inspired we could get a pizza and watch some football or something?”

“Or maybe we could eat some turkey with cornbread stuffing, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and pecan pie and then watch a movie?” Rachel countered.

“We’d need to negotiate the menu. Whiskey doesn’t like pecan pie.”

“How does she feel about apple pie?”

“A la mode?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“It’s a date.”

Tell us about your Thanksgiving menu? Does it vary from year to year? What’s your favorite dish?

Happy Turkey Day from Rhonda, Marian, and Evelyn David

http://www.evelyndavid.com/

A Missing Corpse?

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When it comes to mysteries, few things are as bone-chilling as the thought of a missing corpse. After all, shouldn’t the dead be left alone? Not necessarily. Grave robbing can—and has—happened.

Michael Jackson’s family is said to have selected Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, California for his burial, feeling that it was a more secure location for his body. They needn’t go back too far in history to find reason for concern. Elvis Presley’s remains were the target of an unsuccessful “body snatching” plot, and in 1978 Charlie Chaplin’s body was removed from his grave. His widow refused to pay a ransom, so poor Charlie was later discovered left in a cornfield by his frustrated abductors.

The idea of stealing a body for ransom goes back to the late 1800s. In 1876 a plan to take Lincoln’s body was foiled, but the body of Alexander T. Stewart, one of the wealthiest merchants of the Gilded Age, was successfully removed, and this crime set off a major fear among the well-to-do. Woodlawn Cemetery, the interment site of Jay Gould, established a security force after robber baron Jay Gould was placed in the family mausoleum there because there had been threats that his body would be taken.

Of course, grave robbing used to have a “practical” purpose—digging up bodies was one of the methods necessary to obtain bodies for dissection and medical study. Often the “procurer” made his living by obtaining bodies and/or organs for doctors or medical schools, but sometimes the medical students themselves had to get their own bodies. Documents left by the students indicate that the procurement of bodies was actually quite stressful. One fellow wrote, “No occurrences in the course of my life have given me more trouble and anxiety than the procuring of subjects for dissection.” With his friends at Harvard, this fellow, John Collins Warren Jr., created a secret anatomic society in 1771 called Spunkers, whose purpose was to conduct anatomic dissections.

Body snatching presented a terrible problem for the families of the deceased. They commonly set up watch over the body until burial, and later, relatives would take turns watching over the grave for a few days to be certain it was not dug up afterward.

Today fears of body snatching are primarily limited to those where there is enough ‘fame value” that the body parts would do well on eBay. In the meantime, most people today will be allowed to “rest in peace.”

Kate Kelly

Kate Kelly is a corporate speaker and successful author of more than 25 nonfiction titles. She is a veteran of both local and nationwide talk and news programs and has been quoted in publications such as Time and The Wall Street Journal. She has appeared on World News Tonight, Good Morning America, The View, The CBS Early Show, Fox and Friends, and on CNN, MSNBC and The Fox News Channel. For more interesting bits from American history, check out http://www.americacomesalive.com/blog

Sofa Comfort

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I never considered myself as quirky, but now that I think about it, I guess I do have a few quirks. One of them is that I love a good kids movie. There’s something magical about them, and they fill me with warm fuzzies. Make it a dark and blustery day, throw in a cold front and/or storm, give me slippers and a cozy quilt, a mug of hot tea (or better yet a pumpkin spice latte) and I’m in:

H. E. A. V. E. N., heaven.

Harry Potter movies still top my list. They’re like comfort food for me. There’s something about the world JK Rowling created that truly is…well… magical. Literally. And figuratively. Getting lost in Hogwarts with Harry, Hermione, and Ron makes me happy.

Same with Pirates of the Caribbean. Love Johnny Depp in most everything, but really love him in this movie. Love Geoffrey Rush. Love the whole pirate code, er, guidelines. Again…happy.

Holiday movies? CAN’T WAIT!!! Ushering in the season with Peanuts is essential. Miracle on 34th Street (love the original and the remake–I’m not a purist and I’m not ashamed to admit it–except when it comes to the original How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Accept no substitute.) is a favorite. It’s a Wonderful Life? One of the most perfect movies ever made. Patrick Stewart’s A Christmas Carol… so atmospheric, and he’s so adorable that I can’t wait to watch it.

Modern classics? The Santa Clause with Tim Allen… as good as warm cookies straight from the oven. My son played Santa Claus just like the boy in the movie. It spoke to him and so I will always love this movie. It’s magical.

And the stop motion shows from my childhood? Santa Claus is coming to Town, The Year Without a Santa Claus, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and The Little Drummer Boy are classics that we have to watch in our household. The season isn’t complete without them.














I get the same warm fuzzy feeling when I settle in with a good book. I’m currently reading The Help. LOVE IT. Can’t wait to get back to it. These are people I wish I knew. I feel like I DO know them. I want them to be real. I’m rooting for them, holding my breath as their lives unfold before my eyes, and I can’t wait to turn the page, start the next chapter, find out what happens next. I will be so sad when the book ends. That is a sign of a really great story.

My own books hold that magic for me, too. I can’t wait to dive into my writing each day because it’s like spending time with friends, getting close to them, living their lives with them, and there’s nothing better than spending a day like that.
So, what gives you warm fuzzies? Is there a book or a movie that holds that magic for you?
~ Misa

Crime Baking

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This past weekend, approximately 200 hundred mystery fans and writers gathered together in the Dedham, Massachusetts, Hilton to participate in Crime Bake. It was a horrible weekend in New England, weather-wise, but that didn’t dampen the spirits of the attendees, all enthusiastic mystery lovers. We were treated to a lunchtime talk by Sue Grafton, creator of the “alphabet” mystery series and the fabulous sleuth, Kinsey Millhone, in which she listed ten things writers shouldn’t do in their writing. I was dismayed to find that I am guilty of oh…all ten.

But that aside, it was a great conference. Great panels, lots of interesting conversation, and a boxed lunch (my all-time favorite mode of food delivery). I met some great people at the banquet Saturday night including Dana Cameron, Paul Tremblay, and Jedediah Berry, where we all participated in trying to solve two murders that took place right before our very eyes when we weren’t growsing about how our dinners were being interrupted by the aforementioned murders.

I’m a newcomer to conferences, having only started going this year. I went to Malice Domestic in May with the northern half of Evelyn David, and now have gone to Crime Bake, which I most certainly will attend again next year. I’m not sure how much selling goes on at these conventions; remember, I come from a college textbook background and selling at conventions is what we do. But I do know that it’s great to meet other writers and fans (I fall into both categories), and to hear about how other people navigate the stormy and lonely seas of writing. I know that after having attended these two conventions, I have been spurred to write more and complain less. I always get inspiration from talking about writing and mysteries and I write more words that sound better together when I come home. (This post may not be an example of that, but hear me out.) I learned about fellow Stiletto blogger Rachel Brady’s participation in Nano Wrimo, where in you write 50,000 words in the month of November, no editing allowed. I was exhausted just listening to her talk about trying to reach the goal of writing 50,000 words in a month—most of my books run from 80,000-90,000 words when they are finished so 50,000 is no small feat—but then I remembered who I was talking to: writer, mother, rocket scientist, and all-around fabulous stiletto-wearing gal. Who, if not Rachel, would be able to undertake this task successfully?

Thankfully, November is half over so I don’t have to participate in Nano Wrimo. But something tells me that next year, Ms. Brady will be knocking at my door.

Marilyn’s post yesterday says it all: treat yourself to a conference. I was nervous about attending my first conference but I’ve learned that the mystery community is generous, accepting, and wonderful. You may meet one of your favorite authors, or find out that you have a fan or two. Going to a conference gives your solitary writing life a context and a purpose. There are more of you out there than you ever imagined and it’s nice when you can all come together to celebrate and discuss what you do and love.

Hey, Stiletto Readers: what are your favorite conferences and why?

Maggie Barbieri

An Idea for a Writer’s Christmas Gift

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While reading Nancy’s wonderful guest post about research, I thought about one of the ways that I do research is by attending the Public Safety Writers Association’s conference every year. Many of the members who attend and the speakers are experts in forensics, law enforcement, fire fighting, FBI and any number of professions that we mystery writers often have lots of question for.

I must confess, as the program chairperson for the conference after I’ve managed to talk the most outstanding speakers to come and make presentations at the conference, I’d really like to have a good crowd for them to share their expertise with.

You can take a look at the great line-up by heading to the website http://www.publicsafetywriter.com and checking them out. My suggestion is that if you are a mystery writer you might want to give yourself a Christmas gift by signing up for the conference–and if you know a writer who would benefit from a conference like this maybe you might nudge their significant other to register him or her for the conference.

Because it is a smaller conference, attendees have the opportunity to really network with everyone. And if you would like to be on a panel, all you have to do is say so on the registration form–and it would be great if you’d give a hint as to what kind of panel you’d like to be on.

You can bring your books for sale and PSWA will only take 10% as their fee for taking care of the selling.

If you think Christmas is too soon, since the conference isn’t until June, be sure to sign up before March 31 to be on a panel before the price goes up once again. (The price includes three great lunches.)

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, besides gaining some knowledge, I guarantee you’ll also have fun.

And be sure to check out the contest for unpublished and published short stories, articles, non-fiction books, and fiction books.

I promise not to say anything more about the PSWA conference until it gets closer to March.

I’m a confessed conference junkie–but this is one of my very favorites and not just because I’m on the board.

Try it, you’ll like it.

Marilyn
http://fictionforyou.com

Our Justice System

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America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, ’cause it’s gonna put up a fight. It’s gonna say “You want free speech? Let’s see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who’s standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.
Aaron Sorkin, The American President, 1995

The last ten days has made me marvel at the brilliance, strength, and yes, generosity of the American way of government – while at the same time grow angrier at those who abuse it.

Malik Hasan Nidal, the accused gunman in the Fort Hood massacre, demands a lawyer before being interrogated. That is his legal right – and while he (allegedly) had no trouble denying the right “to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” to 13 innocent victims, in fact, Nidal hired John Galligan, a well-respected lawyer, a retired army colonel. Mr. Galligan is absolutely correct when he insists that “my goal is to ensure the defendant receives a fair trial.”

Because of course, as angry and frustrated as I am with Nidal’s actions, I know that unless our justice system can handle the very worst of those charged with heinous crimes, then we can’t ensure that anyone, especially the innocent, receives a fair trial.

But boy is it hard to keep that in mind.

And then this week, came the decision to try, in a civilian court, the masterminds of the 9/11 massacre. It is again a reflection of the majesty of our judicial system that the courtroom is but a few blocks from Ground Zero. Buildings may have shattered, but the democratic society of these United States could not be toppled.

That’s not to say that I don’t have horrific fears that Manhattan will again be targeted – but I remind myself that it’s not only physical terror that is at stake here. Mind games and targeted fear-mongering are part and parcel of the terrorist weaponry.

I haven’t made up my mind whether the administration’s rationale for trying the self-confessed mastermind of the 9/11 attack and four co-conspirators in a civilian court is correct, but I am not afraid of affording them the constitutional protections of our system. I’m not worried that our justice system is not up to the task. As President Obama said at Fort Hood, “We are a nation of laws whose commitment to justice is so enduring that we would treat a gunman and give him due process, just as surely as we will see that he pays for his crimes.”

God Bless America.

Evelyn David

Murder Takes the Cake by Evelyn David
Murder Off the Books by Evelyn David
http://www.evelyndavid.com

Research and the Muse

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by Nancy J. Cohen

A reader at one of my author talks recently said she was surprised by how much research I did for my books. She believed fiction writers made up their stories. I was appalled. No wonder some people (not YOU, of course) look down their noses at popular fiction writers. Any author would be dismayed by this observation because we put a lot of work into researching our tales.

As any reader of historical fiction knows, the writer must thoroughly research all details of the era in order to be accurate. Ditto for mysteries. I get people asking me all the time if I had been a hairdresser because my sleuth’s job details are so accurate. When I mention that my background is in nursing, they are astounded. How did you learn enough to write about a hairstylist who solves crimes for your Bad Hair Day series? Well, I interviewed my hairdresser and followed her around the salon. I visited a beauty school and checked out their curriculum. I attended a beauty trade show in Orlando. I subscribed to Modern Salon Magazine. And if I needed to know anything else about hair, I asked my hairstylist or had her read relevant passages in my manuscript for accuracy.

That’s just the beginning. Consider that I also consult a homicide detective for crime details and police procedure, even if forensics doesn’t play a heavy role in my books. Plus each story has its own topics to research. I’ve investigated such diverse subjects as medical waste disposal, tilapia farming, migrant labor smuggling, the dog and cat fur trade, vanilla bean cultivation, and more. Then there is on-site research, i.e. pounding the pavement in Mount Dora to get street details, skulking through a Turkish Bath in my swimsuit, getting a reading from a medium in Cassadaga. I take very detailed notes and photos to use in crafting my story.

Authors who use contemporary settings cannot make things up out of thin air. Besides the location, we may need to research pertinent issues to include in our stories. I always try to include a Florida based issue or something of universal interest (like Alzheimer’s Disease) to give my stories added depth. Newspapers, magazines, the Internet, personal interviews, and on-site visits are just some of the techniques we use. Probably the most fun I’ve had for research was going on a couple of cruises for Killer Knots. I challenge you to fault any of my minute details in that adventure.

But what about the vampire and werewolf fiction out there now, and other paranormal stories? Don’t those authors just make up their imaginary worlds? No, because these worlds must be consistent, and they’re often based on mythology or early Earth cultures.

For example, my proposed paranormal series is based on Norse myths. I have several texts on the subject and took extensive notes so I can understand their creation theory. I wrote down the different gods and goddesses, because they play a part in my story as well. For this tale as well as Silver Serenade, my upcoming futuristic romance, I needed to name spaceships, weapons, and/or military personnel. Using the Internet to look up ranks in our own military gave me a model. I also have a collection of Star Trek and Star Wars Sourcebooks which are great inspiration for weaponry, ships, propulsion and such. So even for fantasy, research is necessary. Science fiction is even more exacting because you’re extrapolating what might be plausible in the future or exaggerating a current issue from the news.

So please have more respect for fiction writers. We do extensive research, and a truly gifted writer will not let it show because you’ll be swept into the story. A good work of fiction is like a stage show, with all the blood and sweat and tears going on behind the scenes. All the audience sees is the fabulous performance.

Nancy J. Cohen
Killer Knots: A Bad Hair Day Mystery
Silver Serenade: Coming soon from The Wild Rose Press
Website: http://nancyjcohen.com/
Blog: http://mysterygal.bravejournal.com/

Mysteries and the Return to Adolesence

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Steven Rigolosi is the author of the Tales from the Back Page series of mystery and suspense novels. Each book takes an ad on the back page of a New York City newspaper as its starting point. Who Gets the Apartment? won the David (awarded by the Deadly Ink convention) for best mystery of 2006. Circle of Assassins followed in 2007. His latest, Androgynous Murder House Party, just came out in June. He can be reached at srigolosi@yahoo.com, or followed on twitter at twitter.com/srigolosi. He lives in Northern New Jersey. He does not wear stilettos, but Robin Anders (the hero/heroine of Androgynous Murder House Party, might.

Like Maggie Barbieri, I used to be an editor of college English textbooks. For those of you who haven’t seen an English textbook lately, I can tell you that a lot of them go on at length about the process of writing and the writer’s mindset. I used to think, “Geez, everyone should stop talking and thinking about writing, and just do it.” Part of my thinking (back in the day) had been that every individual writer follows a very different process, so attempting to force one particular method down someone’s throat seemed unwise and destined for failure.

I used to wonder, too, whether writers really think about themselves as writers all that much, or whether they are more focused on the work they are writing. I used to think of myself as a product-oriented person, not one who thinks much about himself as a Writer. But I think that may be a self-deception, because each of my books (I’ve written three so far) has gone through progressively more drafts, which means that I am secretly a process-oriented person too. For example, with my third and most recent, Androgynous Murder House Party, I slogged through five drafts. (Editor’s only note on first draft: “Cut 100 pages.”) And now I’m afraid to start on the fourth because I know it’s going to take me six drafts and I’m feeling kind of tired.

I had another epiphany, too: Being published is like returning to the worst of your adolescence. By putting your work out there, you expose yourself to all kinds of scrutiny, and you start to have the same types of doubts that plagued you as a teenager. Here are the questions I find myself asking of no one in particular:

1. Will people think I’m nuts? As mystery writers, we spend a good deal of time plotting ways to kill people, creatively and with panache. We also need to create some pretty creepy characters to provide good motivation and propel the story along. So during my dark nights of the soul, I ask myself, “Will my family or colleagues think I am plotting to kill them? Will they think that my narrator is a thinly disguised version of myself?” Most likely nobody gives my mental stability a second thought, but surely some do. I mean, think about Stephen King. Haven’t we all wondered at some point if the man is as warped as the books?

2. Will people like my books? We get so invested in our books—we want people to love them and their characters. Certainly we want people to buy our books, so that our contracts can get renewed, but mostly we want people to read them and enjoy them. So I work myself up into a state, even as I turn in my final manuscript, that for whatever reason someone out there will not enjoy my book and that I will have wasted his or her time. And I know that has happened, and I wish I could apologize to the poor reader who would have been better off with Janet Evanovich, but all I can say is, “I did the best I could.”

3. Is this stupid? Many of us write to entertain our readers, to give them a pleasant sense of escape. To accomplish that, we have to turbo-charge reality, making our fictional worlds a lot more event-filled and interesting than our everyday lives. We have to push plots pretty far sometimes, which always makes me wonder, “Are people going to roll their eyes and think this is ridiculous?” It’s always a fear, but it’s something we have to do to move our work beyond the mundane and into the realm of entertainment. And it’s always amazing to see how that all-important suspension-of-disbelief-o-meter has literally millions of settings, one for each reader, with no two exactly alike. We want our readers to have a good time, but how do we do that without insulting their intelligence? Oh, I lose sleep over that one.

4. Hasn’t this all been done before, and better than I’m doing it? I’m so thrilled to be writing in a genre I love, but I find it intimidating as hell. I am most definitely subject to the anxiety of influence, wondering if I can ever do anything different, unique, better than the greats. How do I work within the formulas of the genre but give them a different spin so that readers have an engaging read—and so that my agent will continue to represent me and my publisher will continue to want to invest in my books? I get a little depressed when I read something really fabulous, new or old, because I wonder if I’ll ever have someone think so highly of my work. And yet that sort of insecurity spurs me forward, forcing me to think more carefully about the work, the words, and even the marketing.

So how does this all figure into Androgynous Murder House Party? In a nutshell, the book has two very different mysteries to solve. The first is of the traditional variety—a key figure in a circle of friends is murdered, and the person’s ex-lover decides to investigate. Nothing new there. The second is of a more mind-melting variety: The reader has to figure out the gender of each of the six main characters. The fact that they all have androgynous names like Robin, Lee, Chris, and Alex doesn’t provide readers with many clues, so they have to use context, conversation, and behavior to figure it all out.

And all the questions above apply. Will people think that Robin Anders, my narrator, is a veiled representation of myself? God, I hope not, since Robin is a pill-popping, pretentious snob. Will people like the book? The reviews have been good so far, with some raves, but also with a few people saying they found the book “too clever by half” and too “cutesy.” (That last adjective really threw me for a loop. “Nasty”–perhaps. But “cutesy?”) Is the book stupid—could any of it really happen in “real life”? Of course not, though interestingly I haven’t heard any criticism (yet) that it’s too over the top, though it clearly is. And of course Sarah Caudwell has done an androgynous narrator already, so what have I really contributed to the genre? I hope I’ve done a new and different take on the Caudwell scenario. Her cast is a loving if impatient group of friends, while mine is composed of a bunch of back-stabbing, greedy egotists. Someone recently described Androgynous Murder House Party as “an episode of Friends in which everyone decides they hate each other,” and I just loved that.

Of course, my last and final question is: Will the Stiletto Gang ever invite me back to do another guest blog, after I’ve gone over the maximum word count and exposed my twisted mind to the innocent and unsuspecting mystery-reading public?

Steven Rigolosi