The Art and Artistry of Wedding Gifts

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Weddings are on my mind. Of course, here’s where I’ll give the expected plug for the forthcoming, Murder Takes the Cake (May 2009) – which is fun, furry, and festive. But both in the fictional world and the real one, I’m awash in tulle and lace. In the last 12 months, I’ve hosted or attended four bridal showers, one engagement party, and two weddings. I’ve got two more weddings on the calendar in the next couple of weeks.

All of which means, besides dusting off my dancing shoes for the ceremonial, raucous hora (Israeli celebratory dance), I’m also spending a lot of time and money on wedding gifts. Part of me is envious, as I scan the bridal registries of the young couples. I wish that I could start over with new unchipped dishes and glasswear. I swear I’d still pick the same husband – but I’d like to replace my faded, thin towels, as well as my pilled, shrunken bottom sheets which pop off the mattress in the middle of the night.

Picking the right gift is always a delicate balancing act of taste and budget. The registries are much more elaborate today. Within days of getting engaged, I picked out, at my mother’s insistence, good china and silver – and in fact, got full services of both. But today, there are registries for the honeymoon, for gardening supplies, computer and electronic gifts, luggage, camping gear – you name it, somebody has registered for it.

But despite the often elaborate registries, I think every couple still receives at least one wedding gift that defies explanation. Ours was a silver-plated, four-quart teapot that rested on an elaborate, ornately carved ugly stand, and was engraved with the Greek letters of some fraternity. I still have it in the basement, waiting for the occasion when I host Queen Elizabeth and her family for tea.

Of course, no one owes you a gift and we need to remember to be grateful and gracious for the gesture and goodwill. But I read one story from a bride who recounted receiving a box of condoms as a wedding gift which seemed, pardon me, slightly tacky; or another who recalled the elaborately wrapped brick she received with a note that advised her to use it as a cornerstone when she built a house, which probably takes “practical” to a new level.

What’s your worst wedding gift ever?

Evelyn David

NEW ENGLAND CRIME BAKE

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TOP TEN REASONS TO REGISTER FOR CRIME BAKE TODAY

10. Early bird members who sign up soon (before October 1st) get a $30.00 discount. Put that in your gas tank for the drive to the commodious Dedham Hilton where Crime Bake will be held November 14-16.

http://www.crimebake.org/index.htm

9. After arriving at the Dedham Hilton, feast on pizza and conversation at the FREE pizza party where you can meet and greet mystery readers, writers, agents and editors.

8. Following the FREE pizza party, you get to choose to attend one of two fabulous and FREE Friday night workshops: Practicing Your Pitch with Lynne Heitman, a huge hit at previous Crime Bake conferences or Creating Your Wave with publicist Susan Schwartzman about how to effectively market your mystery in today’s tough market.

7. Yes, another FREEBIE! Crime Bake conference attendees are entitled to sign up for a FREE 5-minute one-on-one session to pitch their work to a literary agent. This year, attendees will have the opportunity to list their top three agent choices. Don’t wait to take advantage of this fabulous opportunity.

6. The agents are coming, the agents are coming and they include some of the finest, including Janet Reid, Donna Bagdasarian, Susan Gleason, Christine Witthohn, Ann Collette, Esmond Harmsworth, Sorche Fairbank and Gina Panettieri.

5. Great Master Classes are offered again. Choose two from PLANNING THE PLAYS – “Painless Research” with Kathy Lynn Emerson; WHO’S ON FIRST – “Point of View” with Hallie Ephron; HITTING IT OUT OF THE PARK – “Ten Key Ingredients For a Successful Thriller” with Gary Braver; and PEEWEE LEAGUE – “Writing for Young Audiences” with Peter Abrahams.

4. Manuscript Critiques are available. Attendees may submit a 15-page writing sample (novel or short story) in advance and receive a one-on-one critique with a published mystery author during the conference.

3. A fountain of forensic experts, including the popular Poison Lady, will hold panels where you can fill your writing well with ideas on how to commit those dastardly deeds.

2. You can dine elbow to elbow with agents, authors, editors and forensic experts at the SATURDAY NIGHT BANQUET where the menu includes delicious food and maybe even a book deal. Your fabulous Saturday night will be topped by “Mystery Bingo” hosted by our own prime-time Hank Phillippi Ryan.

1. The number one reason to register for Crime Bake today is the NUMBER ONE New York Times, Los Angeles Times and London Times author and our Guest of Honor, HARLAN COBEN.

Lost and Found

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The collective Evelyn David had great fun writing Riley Come Home, a new Sullivan Investigations short story. It will appear in Missing, a new anthology, set to debut in October. The collection will benefit the Center for Missing and Exploited Children. Creating a believable mystery fraught with red herrings and clever twists, with characters that have depth and substance, all under 5,000 words, was the toughest writing assignment we’ve had since we started collaborating five years ago.


Riley Come Home plunges Mac, Rachel, and Whiskey into the high-stakes dog show circuit, searching for a missing Irish wolfhound whose pedigree is longer than Crystal Gayle’s hair. I wish I’d had this sleuthing trio when Snickers, our first dog, went missing.

It began on a rainy Saturday afternoon. My husband was not only out of town on business, but out of the country, so the Sherlock Holmes/Miss Marple role would have to be played by moi. I’d promised the kids that we could make chocolate chip cookies and had left a bag of the chocolate morsels on the counter (Mistake #1). I left the kitchen for what I swear was a total of two minutes, and returned to find the bag on the floor half empty and Snickers with a chocolate mustache.

I know that chocolate can be lethal to dogs, so I put in an emergency call to the vet who informed me that I had to make Snickers vomit in order to get the chocolate out of her system. Oy! Cursing under my breath – as well as loud enough for my husband to hear me five thousand miles away – I gave her an emetic and proceeded to spend the next hour cleaning up after the little darling.

The vet also told me that I should then give her rice and boiled chicken for the next few days. Oh goody. Another palate to placate since the only meal the four kids could agree on was a strawberry fruit roll-up.

So I prepared the delicacy for Snickers, then put her outside in the fenced backyard so she could do her “business.” Mistake #2.

It’s easy to get distracted in a house full of kids, so I confess it was probably a half hour or more (okay, more, she wasn’t exactly on my hit parade list that afternoon) before I went to let the dog back in the house and discovered…yes Mistake #3, the gate to the backyard was open and Snickers was nowhere to be found

Hysteria descended en masse as the children wailed about their missing dog, although were generally useless in actually searching for the hound.

The phone rang. It was the cops. Yes, they had found Snickers. Yes, they knew exactly where she was…the dog pound. And did I know that her license had expired, that there was a fine for letting a dog run around off the leash, not to mention a fine for the expired license?

I could find Snickers at the local pound…but couldn’t bail her out until the next day because the village office was closed so I couldn’t pay the fine and get the license renewed until then.

I took the boiled chicken and rice to the “inmate” since I certainly didn’t want her to have to deal with institutional food. Just to add insult to injury, I lost one of my favorite Tupperware bowls at the dog pound.

I wish I could say that Snickers learned her lesson(s) and that she returned a chastened dog who never again ate food off the counter or dashed out the door to freedom. I could write that because I’m a fiction writer…but as a woman of truth, the only one who learned a lesson that weekend was my husband….business travel can indeed be rewarding.

Evelyn David

Having It All?

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Can you have it all? I’m still not sure. But what I do know is that it’s not easy to achieve and getting to “all” is extremely difficult.

I took the easy way out: I left my well-paying, exciting job as an editor at a large publishing house to stay home and freelance, which gave me flexibility and the opportunity to be with my children day and night. I had tired of the travel, the commute, and a host of other things related to the job. And I could see that I was suffering mentally because I felt tremendous guilt that I had left my child at home with a nanny, Tracy, who was paid a handsome sum every week.

The first day that I stayed home and imposed some discipline on my four-and-a-half year old, she proclaimed, “I miss Tracy!”

So much for putting your dreams on hold.

But I’ve been thinking about this concept of having it all what with the nomination of Sarah Palin for vice president on the Republican ticket. It seems like for as far as we’ve come, we haven’t gotten anywhere, because people are still talking about how this mother of five children—the youngest just several months old with special needs—will attend to the second largest job in the world, in terms of scope. One part of me is offended that we’re even having this conversation. The other? Totally gets it.

I’m a proud third-wave feminist. Our mothers, aunts, sisters, grandmothers, and friends gave up a lot to give us what we have today. My grandmother, for one, worked full-time while my mother was a child—and as you know, did an admirable job—and she was in the minority, but she paved the way for me to go to college, to delay marriage if I wanted, to delay having children if I wanted, to have a career. To have it all.

So why did I decide to give it up just when it seemed like I had snared the brass ring? And why do I feel like Sarah Palin, if she is indeed our next vice-president, will be allowing something in her life to suffer by having it all, be it her family, her job, or a little bit of both?

I’m feeling disloyal to the team, girls, and I don’t like it. And I feel like I’m tossing out more questions than I’m answering, but I feel truly conflicted. What part of the conversation that we’re currently having should focus on the fact that Sarah Palin has a large brood and is running for office? Should it be part of the conversation at all? It certainly isn’t when it comes to our male candidates, obviously.

I know a lot of people have little affection for Hillary Clinton, but in terms of this debate, I have to say that she is someone that the right (with a capital R) should embrace whole-heartedly. After all, she put her life on hold for first, her husband’s career, and second, seemingly, for her daughter’s well being. Yet, during the nomination process, she was portrayed as all sorts of bad—bad wife, bad mother, bad feminist, bad Democrat, bad woman. To my mind, she made the decision that you can have it all—just not all at the same time. And I think that’s the conclusion I’m finally coming to.

Ok, Stiletto readers: weigh in. Is it possible to have it all and if so, what, if any, are the costs?

Maggie Barbieri

Perils of Being an Author

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By the time you’re reading this I’ll be on the last leg of my journey to Crescent City and the launch of Kindred Spirits. Because hubby and I have to make regular potty stops, it takes us two days to drive to Crescent City which sits right next to the Oregon border.

Hopefully, I’ll be carrying the 200 books I ordered.

The last part of the drive is wonderful as we’ll be driving through the majestic redwood forest. The ancient redwoods are absolutely mind boggling. When you’re in the forest the trees are so thick, you can’t see the sky.

If we’re lucky, we’ll see a herd of elk. We have each time we’ve driven to Crescent City.

As we draw closer, we’ll be driving along the coast. The ocean is gorgeous along here with fantastic rock formations.

The whole process of getting Kindred Spirits out in time for the book launch has been nerve-wracking. Just before the edits came, I found out that a prominent fact given to me by my primary source and I used in the book several times was erroneous. This meant a scramble trying to find the places and making the changes so they sounded like that’s what they were meant to be.

When the galley arrived, I found one more place that had to be altered. In my determination to make sure the galley was correct I neglected to check the Dedication page. After the book was at the printer and too late to make anymore changes, I looked at the galley for something else and guess what I found? The last name of the person I dedicated the book to is wrong! The first name is correct, but the last name is the name I gave to one of the characters in the book. Granted, the character was inspired by this person, but that doesn’t excuse the mistake.

I suspect when I ran the spell-checker at some point, it suggested I change the right name which is quite unusual to the other name and I mindlessly did it and never noticed my error.

I’ll hand correct the mistake in the books that go out in Crescent City–and I’ll promise the person I dedicated it to a corrected copy when new books are printed. That’s all I can do at this point.

An apology will definitely be a part of my speech at the launching at the Ana Wulf Bed and Breakfast on Wednesday.

Oh, the trials and pain of being an author.

Who knows? Maybe the copy with the mistake in it will become a collector’s copy. Yeah, right.

Marilyn
http://fictionforyou.com

I Do, I Do!

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The collective Evelyn David is positively giddy to announce that Murder Takes the Cake, the sequel to Murder Off the Books, will be published May 2009. Giddy, I tell you.

Here’s a brief synopsis: The guest list is getting shorter and shorter, as the body count rises. Can Mac, Rachel, and Whiskey find the killer who wants to see the bride in red…blood red?

Weddings are on my mind. I’m hosting a bridal shower in a few weeks. While I’m not expecting anything sinister to happen, all this “till death do us part” stuff has made me sloppily sentimental about my own nuptials. Held in the middle of the summer, the temperature was about 110 in the shade, and the menu was caponette, a uniquely Baltimore kosher dish which was essentially chicken on steroids. My only nod to personalizing my wedding was to insist on a chocolate wedding cake. My mom made most (probably all) of the decisions since frankly I had no taste at that point in my life.

I do have wonderful memories of looking for a wedding dress. Mom insisted that we take my father along. As I have mentioned before, my Dad was, to put it lovingly, frugal. I guess Mom didn’t want to hear any financial hysteria when he got the bill. I tried on several gowns and Dad nixed each one, until I emerged from the dressing room in what was the most expensive dress of the group. He smiled and said, “that’s it” – and I felt like Cinderella at the ball. After the wedding, a dry cleaner “preserved for eternity” my dress. To be honest, I’m not sure why I saved it. I’m four inches shorter than my daughter and the puffy sleeves and empire waist would look ridiculous on her. As for the shoes, four children later, and my feet are two full sizes larger. But they’re upstairs in the attic as well.

Weddings today are big business. The average budget for a wedding is $28,000+ (or a fabulous downpayment on a home!). In the U.S., that translates to an annual $40 billion industry. There are wedding coordinators (versus my cousin Suzi who stood at the back of the synagogue and whispered, “go” when she thought it was the right moment for each of the attendants to move). Photographers still capture every moment, but now there are videographers as well. I have mixed feelings about videotaping weddings. While it’s true you capture every second of the big event, that also means that certain moments that memory will eventually blur to less-than-mortifying status, are now captured forever in living color on tape.

We’re adding a wedding stories page to our website (www.evelyndavid.com). Please share your favorite, funniest, or even murderous memory of your special day.

Evelyn David

Heartbreak Hotel

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Jeff Sherratt lives in Newport Beach, California with his wife of forty years, Judy. For most of his adult life Jeff had been in business for himself. He owned companies that made and sold food related products. After selling his business, Jeff devoted his time to writing mysteries, which soon became a full time career. His latest Jimmy O’Brien mystery novel, The Brimstone Murders was released in February of 2008 by Echelon Press. He is a member of Sisters in Crime, an organization combating discrimination against women in the mystery field, and the professional association, Mystery Writers of America. Jeff is currently working on the next book in the Jimmy O’Brien series.

I got out of prison last Wednesday at noon.

No, I hadn’t been in the slammer because I’d been convicted of a criminal offense, unless you consider writing a mystery book a crime. I went to the California Institution for Men, Chino, CA to give a talk to the inmates.

It was the most uplifting experience of my writing career. The prison library, where they held the event, only had room for fifty people. And apparently a lot more than fifty men had wanted to attend. So, prior to my arrival the staff held a writing contest. Everyone who wanted to be included had to write an essay explaining why he wanted to hear me speak. The staff judged the essays. The top fifty writers were allowed to attend.

Briefly, the audience was attentive, eager, and enthusiastic. We laughed and joked and talked about writing, publishing, and even about promotion, “It’ll be tough for you lifers in the room to hit the local Barnes & Noble for a book signing, if you do get your book published. But write it anyway. You’ll be creating your own world where you make the rules.” They liked that remark.

The prison authorities had scheduled my talk to last an hour, but after two and a half hours we were still going strong. I gave away about a dozen books, signed to the winners of the essay contest and the staff. The library is now going to stock The Brimstone Murders, and all my future books.

At the conclusion, the inmates stepped outside for a moment and each one wrote a little note to me on a flyer and signed it, thanking me for giving them my time.

Here are a few of the fifty comments that these “hardcore” criminals wrote. I purposely did not include their names.

“Thank you so much for your time. I will publish a book.”

“I completely enjoyed your lecture. Thank you for your sage advice and compelling experiences. I’m confident that I will put it to great use. See you on the circuit.”

“Thanks, Jeff. You are a blessing . . . God speed you in your writing. . .”

“Mr. Sherratt, It was an honor and pleasure to take part in your lecture. I will remember this throughout my life, and I will use what I heard to succeed. Thank you.”

I became a little nervous prior to the talk when several people on the prison staff explained how much the inmates were looking forward to the lecture. I kept thinking, as I walked through the yard with Betty, the librarian, my ability at giving lectures leaves a lot to be desired. Was I going to add another disappointment to their already troubled lives? Maybe, the staff should’ve asked Joe Konrath to give the talk. He’d wow them.

But within five minutes I knew I had connected with the men. I could see it in their faces and in their eyes. They wanted to learn about writing. They wanted to better themselves and they’d give me one hundred percent of their attention.

I highly encourage other authors to call the nearest prison library and let the staff know you’d be willing to spend a little time, talking to inmates about all things writing. You’ll leave there a better person than when you first walked through those iron gates.

Jeff Sherratt
http://www.jeffsherratt.com/

Five Little Lifestyle Changers

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Leaving aside the major life changing household miracles (electric washing machines, clothes dryers, central air and heat, cellular phones, color television, and desktop computers) these are the top five things invented during my lifetime that have impacted me the most (listed in no particular order):

a. The remote control – remember when you had to get off the couch to change tv channels and risk bodily injury from other viewers? Now you can just click and duck.

b. The hair dryer – remember when you had to attempt sleeping on rollers because your hair wasn’t dry yet? I say attempt because I never actually managed it. Now you can wash your hair any time – day or night, winter or summer – without risking catching pneumonia from going outside with a wet head. I doubt many ever died from washing their hair during inclement weather but my grandmother believed it was a distinct possibility.

c. Flash (thumb) drives – Remember floppy disks? Remember trying to format CDs so you could use them to store computer data? Sometimes it took hours. Flash drives are incredible. You can store enormous amounts of information on these little lipstick-sized electronic units – more information than boxes of floppies could contain– more information than stored in a row of filing cabinets.

d. The VCR and now the DVD Recorder – remember the generations of little girls who never saw Cinderella because the networks always aired it on Sunday night during church services? Remember scheduling your college classes so you could still see your favorite soap opera? The VCR freed people to watch movies and tv programs when they wanted, instead of when the networks scheduled them.

f. Mr. Coffee and the slew of programmable electric coffee makers – the ease of having hot, fresh coffee waiting for you when you get up in the morning is a luxury I wouldn’t want to give up.

What’s been invented during your lifetime that’s impacted your lifestyle? Cable tv? Garage door openers? On-line shopping? Contact lens? ATMs? What?

Rhonda
aka The Southern Half of Evelyn David

The End Is Near

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The End Is Near

The last fifty pages are the hardest.

That’s what I tell myself–and know to be true–as I pass page 130 (I’m on page 132, to be exact) of an approximately 180-page, single-spaced manuscript. Because that’s what translates into a 380ish page text, which is what the Alison Bergeron mysteries usually come out as when they become a book.

Page 130 or so is pivotal because I’ve already laid the groundwork for the mystery, thrown in a few red herrings, established my secondary characters (those who aren’t Alison, Crawford, Max, Fred, or Kevin), and am barreling toward the conclusion.

The only problem is that I don’t know how the story is going to end.

This is a common problem for me, as you know if you’ve been reading The Stiletto Gang since our inception this past winter. I race, race, race to the end only to find that I have nothing left to say. Or I have too much to say and would need another hundred pages to say it. Either way, it’s not pretty. So, I’m trying to take my time and figure out what would make the most sense given the story, the characters, and the setting.

I’m much further along than I was last year at this time, which is a very good thing. Last year, as I sat writing on New Year’s Eve (my deadline), I wrote myself into a corner where all of my major characters were at a crossroads, and not in a good way. Fortunately, my agent had the good sense to tell me that the ending that I had conceived (which amounted to, essentially, “…and then they all died”) really wasn’t going to please the reading public. I went back to the drawing board and was surprised to find that I was able to end the novel in a pleasing and suspenseful way, if I just took a minute or two to figure out what would make the most sense in this imaginary world that I had created. In my haste to make my deadline, I had created an ending that would have upset a lot of people (nobody died but relationships were put to the test with some not making the grade). Had I just gone a day or two over the December 31st deadline—and face it, was St. Martin’s really going to give me grief about that—I would have been able to see the forest for the trees. Or write a convincing ending to the story.

I’m determined to not make the same mistake. So with fifty pages to go, I’m going to take my time and think about what makes the most sense. Nothing fantastical, nothing jarring—just a neat tie-up of the story and the characters’ lives, leaving open the possibility of novel #5, for which I already have a title, but not a story, which is not usually how things go. (For “Quick Study” I was down to the wire before I came up with that one and now? I love it.)

I’ve always thought of myself who works best under pressure but in the case of finishing a novel, I’m finding that pulling an all-nighter or writing down to the deadline just doesn’t cut it. So check back as I try to stick to a five-page per day writing regimen, which will allow me ample time to write and then rewrite, and then, if necessary, rewrite again before my New Year’s due date.

Today doesn’t count because I just got back from vacation. And also because after I finish writing this post, I’m going to head downstairs and continue reading Evelyn’s Murder Takes the Cake manuscript, which if I don’t finish right away, will definitely derail me from my own writing!

I’d love your feedback? What are you writing regimens? And do they work? And how soon after you write, do you revise? And have you ever written anything as ridiculous “…and then they all died”? Inquiring minds want to know.

Maggie Barbieri

Oh, My Goodness!

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No matter how hard you go over edits or galleys, mistakes creep into our books. I don’t even have the copies of my latest, Kindred Spirits yet and I’ve found a glaring error!

No, it’s not in the content of the book–this is worse. The person who actually gave me the first seed of an idea for the story is the one to whom I dedicated the book, Junie Mattice. Unfortunately, in the dedication, her name is printed as Junie Mahoney.

Of course I didn’t notice it when I went over the edits–because it wasn’t in them. What it was in, and I should have noticed then, was the dedication page in the galley.

Where did the name Mahoney come from? It’s the last name of one of the main characters in the Crescent City part of the book–one that was inspired by Junie. Junie has such a multi-faceted personality, I actually based two major characters on her. All I can think of is the spell-checker changed the name from Mattice and Mahoney. Of course I’m the one who is at fault for not noticing it.

In my defense, I was hard-pressed for time because I have to receive the copies of the book this week in order to have them to cart with us when we leave for Crescent City this week. I went over the content of the book carefully and obviously overlooked the dedication page.

What am I going to do about it? I’ve already apologized via email to Junie. I’ll hand correct the copies that I sell in Crescent City. It’ll certainly give me something else to talk about as I speak about Kindred Spirits–something I’d rather not have.

Do I have advice for other authors because of this? Sure, check out your dedication page when doing edits and going over the galley. Certainly from now on that’ll be the first place I check. Too late for 200 copies of this book. Hopefully it’ll be corrected for anymore that are sent out.

Will other mistakes slip by me and other authors? Unfortunately, that’s part of the process. Our eyes seem to correct mistakes and we don’t even notice them.

I hope Junie will forgive me–my intentions were to honor her. I have tremendous respect for this strong Tolowa woman who has for years stood up for what she believes in and continues to fight for the Tolowa people.

Kindred Spirits is available for order at http://www.mundania.com/books-kindredspirits.html

Marilyn