Tag Archive for: Barbara Nickless

Donnell Ann Bell

What I Learned When My House Burned Down

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I had a post all ready for this month’s blog. Then I opened my friend’s newsletter. After I read something that I consider much more poignant and timely, I asked if I could share. Please welcome Barbara Nickless to The Stiletto Gang. ~ Donnell

Author Barbara Nickless

Friends have called to ask if I’ve been triggered by the fires in Los Angeles. In short, yes. It’s an unsettling fact that more people than ever live in fire-prone areas known as wildland urban interfaces. With L.A. on everyone’s mind, I want to share what I learned when my home of twenty-two years burned down in a wildfire.

When I lost my home in Colorado’s Waldo Canyon Fire of 2012, I went—in the space of hours—from being a middle-class, tax-paying suburbanite to one of the shell-shocked homeless. Overnight, I found myself needy, helpless and so bone-deep tired I suspected a solid year of sleep wouldn’t fix it. Like anyone grieving or in pain or simply raw from the public weight of it all, what I wanted was the one impossible thing: to go home.

I passed through the classic stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Some stages, like anger, were brief. Others lingered for years, depression and bargaining looping back in unwelcome refrains. Denial reappeared, too, a kid poking her tongue in the place where there used to be a tooth, surprised by the emptiness.

But tragedy’s sharp-edged gift is that it brings unexpected growth. Pain reshapes us, expanding our capacity for understanding and wisdom. Here are a few things I’ve learned—and am still learning—about loss.

  1. Losing your home isn’t about karma or offending God or not packing well or living in the wrong place. It’s just life, and life is capricious.
  2. Do your best to eat regularly. Exercise. Go to bed at a reasonable time. As soon as you can, resume your regular pleasures—TV shows, books, coffee with friends, NPR on the radio. If you don’t yet have a TV or books or a radio, go to a friend’s house.
  3. When you start to run down that mental list of everything you lost, stop.
  4. Take comfort in knowing you may go the rest of your life without having to purge your closets. In a land where public storage is a multi-billion-dollar business, this is no small thing.
  5. When a friend complains about his junk drawer, smile and ask, “What’s a junk drawer?”
  6. Aunt Matilda’s bean pot. You hated it. Now it’s gone. And you don’t even have to lie about it.
  7. You have more friends than you realize. The ones who show up at the door of your hotel/rental/friend’s house/car (God bless you) with hiking boots or plates or a set of towels might not be the ones you expected. Tell them you love them.
  8. In fact, tell all your friends you love them. Life is capricious (see above). Don’t wait.
  9. You cared more about those stupid love letters and track ribbons and dorky high school pictures of yourself in big hair and platform shoes than you realized. That says wonderful things about your capacity for humor and self-love.
  10. Your mother will forgive you for losing her mother’s pearls. Your father will forgive you for losing his WWII pilot’s jacket.
  11. A home—not a house—is about emotional resiliency. Put your energy there. Have dinner with your family as often as you can. Kiss your loved ones morning and night. Listen to your kids when they want to talk. And if you are lucky enough to still have a mother, return her phone calls.
  12. It’s okay that you’re not okay. One day you’ll catch yourself laughing, and you’ll realize you’ve made it through the worst.

My heart goes out to everyone who lost their homes in L.A. If you want to take action, here’s how you can help:

  • Give to World Central Kitchen, which is providing meals to communities in Southern California.
  • From the Red Cross: “Help people affected by wildfires in California in 2025 by visiting redcross.org, calling 1-800-RED CROSS (800-733-2767) or texting the word CAWILDFIRES to 90999 to make a donation.”

About Barbara’s latest release: 

The Drowning Game has been named Best Book of 2024 by WRBH Reading Radio. “Although a difficult decision with so many good books, the winner of the 2024 WRBH Writers’ Forum Book of the Year Award is Barbara Nickless for The Drowning Game.” A huge thank you to the Writers’ Forum on WRBH!

“Ms. Nickless continues to be one of our best action/mystery writers. Her deep dives into her subject matter and smooth narratives always guarantee a great experience. Following Nadia down the twists and turns of international industrial espionage and spy craft is a thrilling ride, made more enjoyable by the interior monologues and richly drawn characters. More, please.”

–Amazon Reviewer

Seasonal Mood Disorder

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Seasonal Mood Disorder Better Known (for me) as December

By: Donnell Ann Bell

Yesterday, I stared out my great room windows to be greeted with darkness—at five p.m. I was still standing upright, hadn’t made dinner yet, and was beginning to yawn.

 

Somehow, I created a nice chef salad dinner, finished my friend Author Barbara Nickless’s, The Drowning Game, which is excellent, by the way, and did my physical therapy exercises. After that, my husband and I played cards and watched a half hour of television.

I did all this because if I went to bed at seven p.m. I would be up at two a.m. So, I worked hard to make it till nine p.m. And despite my best efforts awoke at midnight.

According to Wikipedia, Seasonal Mood Disorder (paraphrasing) affects typically “normal” people with seasonal depression symptoms associated with the reduction and/or decrease in total daily sunlight.

The article also says the following symptoms accompany SAD.

  • A tendency to overeat
  • A tendency to sleep too much
  • A general feeling of malaise or sluggishness

I think it’s ironic that during the busiest time of year, e.g. holiday shopping, Christmas cards, newsletters, parties, travel, in addition to writing a book, my body is telling me to slow down.

I refuse to give in.  To combat SAD, I am:

  • Exercising during daylight hours
  • Stocking my pantry with limited snacking items
  • Standing while writing instead of sitting
  • And watching the clock.

Source: Pixabay Photo by Jonathan Stoklas

 

If I were smart, I’d give up caffeine, but, hey, I’m only human.

The winter solstice, e.g. the shortest day of the year, is December 21 or 22 and occurs when either of the Earth ‘s poles reaches its maximum tilt away from the Sun. (Again Source: Wikipedia).

It could be worse; I could be a bear.  Did you know bears hibernate from October, November until April—or when the snow melts?

 

I think there’s something to SAD. On December 26th, I feel better?  How about you? How’s your energy level during December?

 

 

 

 

The Best Room in the House

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Good Monday morning. I slept like the proverbial
rock last night. Perhaps it’s because I spent the last month in flux—a weeklong trip to Colorado, followed by page proofs due in a week,
out-of-town company, followed by loading my car with
water bottles and pre-packaged snacks for my anticipated trip to Left Coast
Crime in Albuquerque. 

Since
2020, like so many of my author colleagues, I haven’t attended an in-person conference. But on this one, I signed up because I could drive from my home base in Las Cruces to the Duke
City. I already knew my schedule at LCC would be hectic. In addition to Mystery Writers of America, I belong to three Sisters in Crime chapters, Sisters in Crime Colorado, Guppies, and Croak & Dagger, the
New Mexico chapter, based in Albuquerque.

Left
Coast Crime is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, which depends on a massive number of
volunteers to bring together writers, readers, librarians, reviewers, and others. https://leftcoastcrime.org/2022/  Croak & Dagger, as the Albuquerque host, was called on to supply
the heavy lifting of volunteers. I believe Molly Moeglein, Ann D. Zeigler, Johanna Egert, Joan Golden, Margaret
Tessler, Donna Thomas, Janet Gregor, Don Allen, Anne Hillerman, Merit Clark, Linda Triegel, Bailey Herrington, and throw myself into the mix were among the
many local volunteer contributors. 

To top this off, when others dropped by the Hospitality Room and saw how swamped we were, my friends Leslie Budewitz and Barbara Nickless got to work helping filling out forms and donations!

Naturally,
other writing chapters, including Mystery Writers of America and Sisters in Crime sponsored events. Members affiliated with these organizations were
incredibly helpful in registration, author/reader tables, speed dating, room
and panel moderators, as well as the conference organizers Stan and Lucinda Surber who appear tireless in running this conference year after year. As
I was tasked with Hospitality and the Silent Auction, I didn’t get to attend
many panels. This was disappointing, however, volunteer for Hospitality and the
Silent Auction, people come to you.

I
met so many I wouldn’t have ordinarily met by being a mere author
attendee. What’s more, I got 15K steps in on Thursday, 12K on Friday, 10K on
Saturday, and 5K on Sunday (four-hour trip home—give me a break!) Was it all
work and no fun? Hardly. I had the best roommate ever. Author Barbara Nickless
and I kept each other in stitches saying, “We’ll go to sleep right after we
talk about this.” Merit Clark, who I shared an author table and panel with, was
a tremendous friend, volunteer, and champion during the event. I also got to
meet The Stiletto Gang members Dru Ann Love and T.K. Thorne!

Merit
Clark was on the ball finding the restaurants we’d escape to after a long day.
Fell in love with The Artichoke Café and Season 52 (picture of a group of us
here—Alistair “Jerry” Kimble, Matt Goldman, Barbara Nickless, Merit Clark,
Shannon Baker, Mark Stevens, and myself). Special thanks to Matt Goldman for
driving my car back to the hotel after dinner (no, wasn’t inebriated – I think he could
just sense I was exhausted and nervous about night driving in a strange city.)


 

I
also was on a panel called Graphic but Not Gratuitous, Getting Police Procedure
Right,  [pictured here hidden behind her microphone, M.M.
Chouinard], Shannon Baker, Donnell Ann Bell, Merit Clark, and James L.
E’Toile.



When authors took the stage on Saturday evening,
I’d already met many of them. I didn’t get to meet the fabulous Kellye Garrett,
but after hearing her speak, and after more than $1,000 was raised that night
by attendees who wanted their name in her next book, I understand the
definition of “fan.” Catriona McPherson is hysterically funny and gracious, and
one of the most moving, inspirational speeches I’ve ever heard (period) was given
by Wanda M. Morris, the winner of the Lefty Best Mystery novel. Following are
the Lefty award recipients. https://leftcoastcrime.org/2022/Awards.html

 I
do not have the exact amount of money that was raised by the auction and silent
auction, (Kudos to Ellen Byron/Maria DiRico for being an outstanding
author/auctioneer) and Ann D. Zeigler’s Great Little Library Adventure, but I’m
estimating $5,000 +/-, benefitting New Mexico’s libraries (currently state
funded) are the beneficiaries of these proceeds.

 After
dropping off the delightful T.K. Thorne at the airport, I headed home to Las Cruces
to celebrate what I’d missed by attending, namely my husband’s birthday and our
39th wedding anniversary. I paused in listening to Robert Crais’s Taken, to return a phone call to my friend Mike Befeler who ordinarily heads up the New Authors’ Breakfast and who couldn’t attend the conference due to knee surgery. Such a win/win ride home!

Still on the heels of Left Coast Crime, the fascinating and talented Pamela Beason will be my houseguest as she
passes through on her touring adventures – all because we reconnected at Left
Coast Crime!

On a final note, I left that event tired but
inspired, and I know I barely skimmed the surface. Overall, though, I remain convinced I had the best room/seat in the house.

 About:  Donnell
Ann Bell is an award-winning author, including finalist in the 2020 Colorado
Book Award, and the 2021 New Mexico-Arizona Book Awards for her first straight
suspense Black Pearl, a Cold Case Suspense. Until Dead, a Cold Case Suspense,
will be released May 31, 2022, and is available for preorder. She is
currently working on Book Three and the start of another series. You can learn
more about her other books or find her on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, or
BookBub. Sign up for her newsletter at https//www.donnellannbell.com