Tag Archive for: bethany maines

Support Your Local Muse

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by Bethany Maines

Last time I blogged about identifying ways of marketing a book in preparation for making a marketing plan. My list, to recap, was…

Tip #1: Identify Marketing Message Distribution Channels
(aka Think of ways to promote yourself and your book)
• Live Audience – signings, guest speaking, launch party
• Internet Presence – website, facebook, twitter, youtube, goodreads, linkedin
• Internet Ads – Google AdWords, facebook ads, ads on websites
• Email – newsletters, e-fliers, personal email
• Video – book trailers, promo videos
• TV – news, reality shows, talk shows
• Radio – programs, ads
• Written Word – “expert” articles, reviews of other books, blogging, guest blogging, books, short stories
• Print – newspapers, magazines, print ads, fliers, posters, mailers
• Word of Mouth – book clubs, fans, bookstore staff, reviews

Farhad Manjoo recently wrote a piece about the fact that he didn’t really care if independent bookstores failed. (Don’t Support Your Local Bookseller) He made some salient points about Amazon strengthening US readership and book sales (and annoying hipster sales staff), but when came to the idea that independent bookstores don’t offer authors anything compared to Amazon, I had to shake my head. As a reader, I think bookstores are good things in general, but as an author, bookstore signings are the fastest, easiest way to talk to people about my books and to me that equals sales. Bookstores are an essential part of the writing economy and an essential part of every local economy (To quote the Washington state economist, “Please go buy things.”). So needless to say, I will not be following Mr. Manjoo’s advice and I will be keeping my relationship with bookstores strong (aka buying books and shooting the breeze with staff).

To me talking to readers is my primary sales tool and one that is happily free. Other tools, like social media, are very important, but more secondary. Some of the secondary tools, like having a Facebook page or twittering are free, but many items like ads, book trailers, and giveaways (like book marks), all cost money. So in determining my marketing plan, I will be assessing a “distribution channel” for three things: how much time will it take, how much will it cost, and what will be my ROI (Return On Investment). A Facebook page is fast, free, and has a return of increased awareness and legitimacy. Facebook ads? Definitely not free, and the return depends on many variables. Better stop and consider.

Of course, as I look for ways to market my books I should keep in mind the fact that a marketing goal goes nowhere if I don’t meet the writer’s prime directive (no, I never watched Star Trek, and no, I don’t totally love everything that Data ever did including those two episodes of Night Court, shh, go away now): To be a writer, one must write.

What is it I’m doing again?

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or
How I Think Publishing Works
by Bethany Maines
As the author in residence to my friend’s and family, I frequently receive questions about the publishing industry.  Well, let’s be honest, frequently is stretching it.  More like occasionally, but I still get them and usually it goes something like this…
Them: You published a book? That’s cool.  How does that work?
Me: Well, you write a book, try to get an agent, and then the agent sells it to a publisher.
Them:  Yeah, but after that, how does it all work?  And what’s this thing with Amazon that I’ve been reading about lately?
Me: Uh… Does any body need more salsa? I have to go get more salsa.
After awhile I just couldn’t eat anymore salsa, so I did some research and I thought some of you might be interested in what I found out. This, in broad strokes, as far as I can tell, is how books get to you.  Don’t worry, I’ve also included a handy infographic.  If you feel that I am incorrect in some way, please comment and let me know.  This information is relatively hard to get in a linear progression, so I’ve had to piece it together as I come across it – I welcome all input.
Agents select manuscripts and sell them to publishers.  At the same time Publishers also seek out manuscripts on their own – either from celebrities or from their “slush pile.”  A manuscript gets selected to become a published book. The publisher has a couple of options for distribution; either they have sales reps who sell the book directly to booksellers and club stores (like Cost-Co and Sam’s Club) or they sell their books to distributors and wholesalers.  Distributors and wholesalers sell books to bookstores, club stores, and they also sell to the non-bookstores like Fred Meyer, Target, gift shops, airports, and grocery stores.  Publishers set the release date and release e-books at the same time that a distributor sends books to bookstores.  Bookstores buy books at a 40-50% discount and sometimes have as much as 6 months to return books (if they don’t sell) to the publisher or distributor/wholesaler for either cash or credit against future purchases.  Which is how an author’s sales can look great the first week after publication, but not so great months later after “the returns” are in. Publishers and booksellers also provide an internet location to buy the book.  Then you, the reader, buy the book and/or e-book.
Now we get to Amazon.  Amazon decided that it did not need wholesalers and most distributors… because they didn’t.  They get their books directly from publishers or from distributors that represent publishing houses that don’t handle their own sales. Wholesalers and distributors are mad at Amazon because Amazon has essentially cut them out of the business.  Bookstores are mad at Amazon because they feel that Amazon, due their deals with the publishers, can undercut bookstore prices, thus driving them out of business.  Amazon has also offered a service to writers that let them self-publish (also known as vanity publishing) print-on-demand books and e-books; writers, of course, took to the process like a duck to water.  With that much content floating around, next Amazon decided that it doesn’t need publisher’s either, because they can buy their own manuscripts and sell them.  So… publishers, distributors, wholesalers, and bookstores are all mad at Amazon.  So far the only people who aren’t mad are the consumers and the content providers – readers and writers.           
Interestingly, I looked at the prices for print-on-demand books through Amazon a year or so back and I remember the number as being about $9 a book.  Which, I thought, was a little high, but manageable if you were selling the book at $15.  I recently looked at Amazon’s print-on-demand options and saw that they had raised the prices significantly and added additional fees for “expanded distribution.” Which leads me to speculate that Amazon may be attempting to let the air out of the self-publishing balloon.  After all, why would they let self-publishers provide cheaper (and possibly just as good) content on Amazon distribution channels when it would be a direct competition to their own publications?
There’s plenty more to be said about publishing, self-publishing, marketing, and how publishers decide who gets what marketing dollars, but that would be a subject for another day.  And now, please enjoy your infographic.

Letters From the Road

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Dear Stilettoites-
Joe & Kato say hi! We hope that you’re enjoying the tail end of your summer.  We have been having very exciting times on our road trip. The husband (Joe), dog (Kato), and I left Washington last Wednesday, popped over to Idaho, dropped down into Salt Lake City, and then even further down into St. George, Utah. For the today’s purposes, “popped” means “drove ten hours, stopped at the Idaho Border, ate food from a sketchy taco stand, and got bitten by giant mosquitoes, all before arriving at my friend Sarah’s house at 10pm due to the fact that I forgot Idaho was an hour ahead of us.”  Don’t worry, I’ll send Sarah a big Christmas present.
In Salt Lake, we stopped for a speaking engagement for the Salt Lake City Library system.  (That’s right, tax deducted vacation here I come.)  We met some librarians for dinner and then I talked at people about writing and my books for about an hour.  It was a fun evening and I have to say that I just love librarians – book people make me feel at home.  Sadly, they also kick my butt in the So What Have You Read Recently Olympics. The worst part was that I was tag teaming with my husband against one librarian; we haven’t been that soundly trounced since the last time we visited my agent. 
From Salt Lake we drove down to St. George to visit one of my husband’s groomsmen.  “Men” being a misnomer in this instance, since, with a pair of double D’s leading the way, Lee Ann is very clearly woman.  Lee Ann, in case you are thinking about doing crime in the St. George area, is a parole officer, carries a Glock, and is six feet tall.  Basically, I don’t recommend doing crime in the St. George area.  If it weren’t for a bum knee, she’d probably be wearing spandex and leaping tall buildings in a single bound.  Lee Ann has been graciously taking us hiking, showing us some amazing scenery, telling us tales of Colorado City (where the polygamists live) and Cane Beds (where the crazies live) and the difference between LDS (Church of Latter Day Saints) and the polygamist cults – and yes, there are big differences.  But, from my own observation, the most obvious thing about the LDS population is that they appear to be… preppy.  That’s right, they are an Izod loving people.  I had no idea.
On Sunday we climbed up to Angel’s Landing in Zion National Park.  It’s a two-mile mostly vertical hike up Walter’s Wiggles (a series of 21 switchbacks), and then another half mile that takes you out a long a spine of rock to spectacular view of the park from 5785 ft above sea level.  The last portion of the trail is a scrambling route lined with heavy metal chains.  These are not guardrails – they are so you can hold onto them and climb your way up.  It’s got the highest death rate in the park.  Also, it was having a wee bit of a rainstorm while we there.  It should be noted that today “wee” means “deluge.” But we triumphed, did not get struck by lightening, and even made it back down for some Oscar’s carrot cake the size of my head.
Today we’re heading for the Valley of Fire.  I’m sure nothing could go wrong there – not with a lovely name like that.  We’ll send you a postcard!  And don’t forget to leave the light on for us.
Love,
Bethany

Working Toward Creativity

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or 
If My Demands Aren’t Met There Will Be Blood
by Bethany Maines

So this is a blog, right?  That means I can I rant?  I can just have a bit of a shouty fest for a minute and no one will mind?  Whew… because I’ve been hoarding this one for a day or two.

I’m a writer and a graphic designer and I work from home.  And apparently that’s the trifecta for someone to suggest that I play all day and get paid for it.  “Must be a sweet gig!”  Yeah… there is some of that, but I have to say that the best part about working from home is that I generally get more laundry done.
There also appears to be a misconception among the general public that the only thing separating them from something that I do is a tool.  With knowledge of Photoshop they too can be a graphic designer! (Actually, only using Photoshop gets you pretty much bupkiss. You don’t even know how much you don’t know!! Gah!).  And of course, anyone can write, because, you know, that’s just typing.  Apparently, it’s rather rude to reply to someone’s face that while yes, anyone can write, not everyone can write well (then stare meaningfully at them with a raised eyebrow). The underlying prejudice is that authors and creative types don’t work. 
As I was going through school I remember a story about one graduate who had a mind-numbingly boring job (cutting paper, I can explain if you really want to know), but my professor couched the story as though it were great thing.  This person, my professor said, could rest their brain all day and then pursue their true passion at night.  And I remember thinking… “Well, that’s crap.”  That’s like trying to work out at the end of the day – you never really want to do it, no matter how boring the day job was. Why?  Because, believe it or not, creativity is work. 
Don’t be fooled by the stereotypes of long-haired ex-pats drinking wine Pamplona and churning out novels on a whim.  Artists and writers work at their craft.  It takes hours, sometimes many hours (sometimes more hours than you put in at your office job – more pointed staring), to come up with a creative product.  I do not sit down at my computer and 20 minutes later produce a logo.  (Ok, there was that one time, but that was an act of God, and I still went back and refined it later.)  Each book I produce is a culmination months (if not years) of my life.  I’m not suggesting that my work is a trial – I generally love my work.  But to suggest that it’s something I haven’t trained and studied for and that I don’t put in work to achieve it devalues me and it devalues my work.  So you, Joe Public (yes, I’m looking at you), stop doing it.
Thus endth the rant.

How to write with pickles

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by Bethany Maines

I just read a blog about a woman who bought her husband a giant 5’ chicken because they got into an argument about the need for more bath towels. It was done with a great deal of love, humor and antagonism – like a good marriage.  Or at least like my marriage.  I frequently tell my husband he has extra-large fingernails; he finds this statement bizarre and tells me I just have midget hands.  I haven’t bought him a giant chicken yet, but we’ve only been married for some amount of years under five (I’ve outsourced this knowledge to my husband and he’s not home), maybe when we get to 15 we’ll have reached the giant chicken stage.

But my point is, (stick with me here – I usually get to a point sooner or later) that relationships, even loving ones, frequently work in opposition, as well as compliment, to each other. And yet, that simple, everyday dynamic is one of the harder motivations to write into a character. Why would anyone in her right mind buy a giant chicken and leave it on their front porch to annoy their husband? That’s not logical, or as my agent sometimes says, “I’m just not seeing it – I don’t think she has significant motivation.” Um… he said the pink beach towels were good enough for regular bath towels? That’s practically an engraved invitation for giant chickens right there.

What I’ve discovered is that there are two kinds of people in this world – the chicken people and the non-chicken people. Unfortunately, I don’t get to pick which ones read my books, which means that I have to write for the non-chicken people. And they are much less willing to take that leap to chicken on the front porch ringing the door-bell with me. Which means that I have to do writerly things like establish a history of chicken type actions in my character. Sometimes I add alcohol to an incident – that seems to help readers believe the unbelievable idea of chickens. But I think the most important technique I use is to make sure the tone of my story matches the tone of my character.

I once wrote a science fiction story – very serious, very edgy etc – and at some point my character ate a pickle. Why? Because she likes pickles. But I was informed, in no uncertain terms by my critique group that pickles weren’t allowed. Apparently, pickles are an inherently funny food choice and not in the least sci-fi. I railed against the anti-pickelites, but they were right. You can’t just throw a pickle in from out of no where and expect readers to roll with it. They have to know they’re in a pickle type book.

And then it occurred to me that I must be living a pickle type life if I think 5’chickens are a good thing. I’m ok with that.

The WAW System

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Or
Why Novelists Make Such Terrible Employees

By Bethany Maines

I once had a job as an illustrator for a physical therapy software company and at some point my passive-aggressive boss sent me an email that said, “You sure type a lot for an artist.” A statement that is, let’s face it, entirely accurate, and also lead to the development of my stealth typing technique. I can’t blame her for being suspicious. I had a set number of illustrations I needed to create each day and after I awhile I figured I could do the minimum number in about half a day and I also figured that finishing my novel would go a lot faster if I did it while I was at work. I called it “Working” At Work or WAW. It must have been amazing how I consistently managed to hit my minimum, and no more, day after day.

I would have felt more guilty except that I strongly suspected my boss had mental health issues, and she already didn’t like me since the day I accidentally blurted out my true opinion on the names of her children. Note, dear readers, that when someone says that her children are named Rainbow and Chrysalis because she wanted names that she “could never say in anger,” you should never respond, “Well, your first mistake was thinking you’d never want to.” Actually, just in general, you should probably engage your brain before speaking – email and let me know how you manage that. I’ve never quite figured it out.

At any rate, I did not keep that job forever (just far too long), but the WAW System served me well from that day to this. Or at least it did up until this year when a friend and I opened our own graphic design business. Suddenly, writing a novel on The Man’s dime is not quite so appealing when I am The Man. Suddenly, WAW means “Whaaaawww, I don’t have enough time.” Suddenly, I’m only four chapters into my latest manuscript. Or to be more accurate, not so suddenly. It’s been months. It’s not like I don’t know what happens – unemployed actress Tish Yearly visits her ex-CIA agent grandfather and ends up investigating a murder. It’s quirky, it’s charming, it’s got a beef cake Sheriff’s deputy. I even know “who done it” even (always crucial in a mystery), and yet, I’m still stuck on chapter four because someone thought doing all the graphics for an 2500 person, black-tie, fundraising event that takes place at our local zoo THIS FRIDAY would be a good idea. Oh, right, that was me. Damn. Ok, but after Friday, it’s all writing all the time. Ok, maybe after Saturday. Some sleep would be nice.

In Defense of Trees

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or, Ah crap, just move already; I’m tired of emailing you and want to have coffee in person.
 
by Bethany Maines
So I’m trying to persuade my one-time college roommate, and old fiend The Hobo (not her real name), to pack up her stick and kerchief and move back to Washington State after graduate school.  The Hobo happily attends the illustriously ivy-league institute of Columbia.  That’s right, Columbia, the one in New York.  And I want her to move.  Leave.  Vamoose.  Exit that city stage right.  Yeah… I know what you’re thinking: my odds are not good. 
Manhattan has all night food delivery.  Museums on every block.  Night clubs that stay open till four in the morning.  Better zombie culture.  I’m not sure why that one’s important, but she seems to enjoy it, so who am I to argue?  Manhattan has street vendors, Broadway, fashion, and every movie that does’t blow up LA, blows up New York.  New York has EVERYTHING.
Washington has… trees.  Don’t get me wrong, we have a lot of trees.  And in a grudge match, I would bet on our trees against the trees of any other state in the Union.  (Does your state have Madrona trees?  Coniferous AND deciduous trees?  Rainforest and desert trees?  Yeah… didn’t think so.)  But let’s face it, trees and a fairly decent cultural scene are never going to stack up against New York, New York.
To put it another way, if New York were a man, he’d be Brad Pitt (occasionally the alcoholic, filthy Brad Pitt from Snatch, but still, Brad Pitt).  And if Washington were a man he’d be Jim Caviezel, the dude most well known for playing Jesus.  Just for the record, Jim Caviezel is adorable and was born in Mt. Vernon, Washington (Ok, yes, so was Glenn Beck, but there’s nothing we can do about that).  The problem is that nobody wants to date Jesus except for nuns.  Girls want date dangerous bad boys who make grand gestures.  They don’t want to have a fling with a steady guy who shows up on time and remembers your birthday.
But girls do marry those kind of guys. 
And here’s where I think I’ve got a shot.  As an established Washingtonian I’m in a position to introduce my old friend to Washington’s fun side, it’s sunny side, it’s side that already has connections in the field you want to work in and wouldn’t it be nice to get a job and settle down, not that I’m pressuring you, but you’re not getting any younger and your cat needs someplace larger to run around in than an itty-bitty studio on the Upper West Side. Not that I will be phrasing it that way.  I just want to point out, as subtly and subversively as possible, that the steady guy is worth a look.  Is that so wrong?
And also… we don’t have cockroaches.

Statistical Addiction

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by Bethany Maines

Hi, I’m Bethany, and I have a statistical addiction.  What?  This isn’t Statistics Anonymous?  Well, I might as well confess anyway – seeing as I’m already here and among friends.

Recently I took all of my stats on running since 2004 and collated them into one spreadsheet and then I turned them into multiple graphs.  Reading that sentence, might make you think that I’m some sort of competitive runner who’s constantly out doing races and vying for some sort of top women’s ranking in the state.  Let’s just be clear about this… No.  I’m a slow to middling runner who did cross-country in high school.  But I keep track of run distances, times, and routes.  If you wanted to know I could tell you where I was running on this day in 2007.  You probably don’t want to know though.
What I really am is stat obsessed.  I’m also running a Facebook ad for my latest novel, Compact With the Devil.  Who wants to guess how many times a day I check the click through rates on that puppy?  Yeah… a lot.
For those who’ve never attempted to advertise on Facebook, the process is fairly simple. Ads are the little squares that appear on the right hand side of your FB page suggesting that you like them or whatever.  You can target an ad to geographic areas, genders and age-range, and then select the types of things they’d be interested in.  Action-adventure movies and literature/reading were a couple of my topics.  Then the ad goes out and FB puts up statistics on how many people you’ve “reached” (individual viewers of the ad), how many times they’ve seen the ad, and how many people have clicked on your ad.  That’s what I’m interested in – the click through rate.  But I have to admit it’s not just because I’m hoping that a click equals a sale; it’s also because I’m stat-obsessed.
What if I kept track of my tooth brushing patterns for a year?  What fascinating statistics would appear on duration of brushing time, brushing location and toothpaste preference?  Probably the answer is absolutely none.  But I’ll tell you what I have learned from all my stats… just how in control they make me feel.  By carving up the world into little tiny numbers, I feel ever so much more in command.  I feel like I winner every time I run more miles than I did last month because I have totally triumphed over Past Bethany.  In the race against myself I am totally winning (as long as I’m not racing 2007 Bethany – she ran a lot, but 2009 Bethany I’m totally stomping.)  The feeling is a complete illusion of course, but I feel like if I gather up all the little numbers I will some day be able to ultimately control everything!!!  Whu ha ha ha!! <- evil laugh.
Now… somebody talk me down and tell me to stop hitting refresh on the FB stat page.

Murder with Lipstick

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by Susan McBride 
I was fortunate enough to blurb Bethany Maines’ debut novel, BULLETPROOF MASCARA, as her fabulous editor at Simon & Schuster is my former mystery editor at HarperCollins (hi, Sarah!).  When I read the book, I knew I’d like Bethany as she has a wicked sense of humor.  Since then, I’ve come to realize she’s truly a Renaissance Woman:  graphic artist, martial artist, runner, writer, pot painter, dog mom, and, starting in June, a Stiletto Ganger.  We’re very excited to have Bethany join the fold.  To introduce her to you all, I figured I’d ask some questions, beginning with her new novel released at the end of April. 
Susan:  First off, congratulations on the release of COMPACT WITH THE DEVIL, your second novel after the very entertaining BULLETPROOF MASCARA. Was writing COMPACT very different than writing your first book? Did you feel more pressure?

Bethany:  Well, with COMPACT I didn’t change editors several times and there weren’t multiple complete re-writes, soooo… no actually I felt less pressure. BULLETPROOF MASCARA took such a long time making it’s way into print that by the time I was “supposed” to be writing COMPACT I had an entire rough draft tucked away, so I just pulled it out and freshened it up, which made the whole process go quite smoothly. It didn’t occur to me that there could be more pressure until people started reading it. Then I realized that there was a whole level of reader expectation that I wast entirely un-prepared for. I’m still not prepared for it actually. Mostly I’m pulling an ostrich on that one.

Susan:  How do you categorize your novels? When I read BULLETPROOF, my impression was “Charlie’s Angels meets James Bond.”

Bethany:  That’s probably a pretty good summation. I’ve been telling people that they’re action-adventure for girls. I really enjoy action movies, but when I was growing up most of the women in action movies were screamers and/or boobs. I remember enjoying “Total Recall” well beyond the actual quality of the movie because both the heroine and the bad girl (a pre-Basic Instinct Sharon Stone) were ass-kickers in their own right. There have been more of those types of characters in recent years, but when I was a kid I wanted action movies with a woman as heroine – someone that I could pretend to be, while the dudes were pretending to be Van Damme. So when I started writing I wrote what I wanted. Hopefully my books create an action movie vibe but with women of strong character who believe in making their own choices.

Susan:  What, if any, of Bethany shows up in Nikki?

Bethany:  When I set out to write BULLETPROOF MASCARA I knew I was writing the first adventure of a super-spy, so I really thought hard about the problems I saw with “first” novels – both the first novels of writers and the first novels about a character. One of the problems I saw was that first novels often feature characters that are thinly veiled versions of the author. So I tried to make Nikki as different from me as possible. I don’t have red hair, I didn’t study linguistics, I don’t speak French, I’m not super into speed, I’m taller than she is, my parents are still married and my mom’s not crazy. This caused it’s own set of problems of course, like having to research linguistics and finding someone to translate French for me. I think where Nikki and I overlap is in our attitudes. I have a strong feminist streak (in case you haven’t noticed) and I really believe that women should help each other. I also think we share a bit of the same sense of humor and we both love to travel.

Susan:  You have a lot of action scenes in your novels. Does being a runner and a martial artist influence that?

Bethany:  Mostly it shows up in the ways that I don’t write action scenes! Not only does my dojo have a strong family feeling (“The family that kicks together, sticks together!” is not just a slogan), but my brother and sister-in-law are also instructors there, and if I wrote something that was too unrealistic or inaccurate I’d hear about it. Talk about pressure! The last thing that I want to hear when I come in to teach my class is, “That is not how you break someone’s arm!” Well, I don’t want to hear it about something about I’ve written anyway.

Susan:  What are some of your favorite books? What’s at the top of your TBR stack?

Bethany:  Favorite books? That’s a long list! Um…. In no particular order, THE BLUE CASTLE (If you haven’t read it do it NOW) by LM Montgomery, THE BLUE SWORD by Robin McKinley (or maybe I just like blue…), SNOW CRASH by Neal Stephenson, GUARDS! GUARDS! by Terry Pratchett, THE DEATH IN… series (Zanzibar, Cyprus, Berlin, etc) by MM Kaye, and BEAUTY AND THE BEAST by… Actually I forget who wrote it, but the one illustrated by Hilary Knight. And I’m sure I could think of a dozen more if I thought about it for longer than a minute, but my most recent favorite is THE MANUAL OF DETECTION by Jedidiah Berry. It had a beautiful dreamy quality that was perfectly suited to it’s plot.

And as for the TBR stack…I’m dying for HEARTLESS by Gail Carriger to be released. (June 28th! Not that I’m counting!) I’m so addicted to that series (SOULLESS, BLAMELESS, CHANGELESS, look them up if you love a good bodice ripping, vampire, werewolf, mystery type of story). And I’ve got an interesting YA book called MATCHED that’s up next on the night stand.
Susan:  And–because we are the Stiletto Gang–I have to ask if you have a favorite pair of high heels? You get extra points if they’re animal print, you know.
Bethany:  Oh no! I don’t own any with animal print! But I do have a pair of candy apple red slingbacks that are pretty much to die for.

For more about Bethany and her books, please visit her web site!

Bulletproof Ideas

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by Bethany Maines

When I started writing professionally it was with the understanding that I was, as my high school English teacher once wrote on a short story, “not very creative.” And ok, later I figured out that said teacher had gone to junior high with my mother and probably hated me (What did you do to her, Mom? What?!), but some things stick with you. So it surprised me when people kept asking me, “How did you come up with your idea?” Oh please, like it never occurred to you to invent a make-up company that saves the world one woman at a time and with extreme prejudice. But it turns out that it hadn’t occurred to most people to do that. Or to invent genetically-engineered glowing-salamander tube lighting. (I thought that one was great – not sure why it got rejected.)

But as I venture further into writing, the bedrock questions remain, “How do I find inspiration? And how do I find it NOW?” I wish I knew how to make inspiration happen on command, but I’m not sure it can. British fantasy satirist Terry Pratchett suggests that ideas sleet through the universe like a meteor shower looking for a receptive brain, and I tend to believe him. The ideas are out there. The trick is to figure out how to make the brain more receptive.

First, do not try to make an idea-catching hat. That would just be crazy. However, do not be afraid to wear funny hats. If you free yourself from the idea that you have to be appropriate all the time, then it means you’ve freed yourself up to be silly, daring, adventurous, and just a little bit crazy. And, in my experience, that’s where the good stuff is.

Second, research is your friend! Ideas lurk in the new and unexpected, so learning something new exponentially increases the chances of having an idea. Which is how I justify my addiction to going on vacation–it’s research!! Learning how to say “apricot” in French from a crêpe dealer? Research! (For the record it’s ap-reh-ko, thank you, and no, you will not be getting your crêpe until you say it correctly.) Following my idiot travel companion onto a tuk-tuk in Bangkok because some stranger on the street said the Temple of the Giant Catfish was THE place to go when clearly he and the tuk-tuk driver were in cahoots? That’s inspiration fuel at its finest! (The catfish were indeed giant, and the neighborhood as shady as expected, but there actually was a temple, and we didn’t get kidnapped and sold into slavery.)

Third, as a wise man from someplace called Ridgemont High once said, “Wherever you are is the place to be.” Yes, new and crazy are good, but sometimes your life is all the inspiration you need. Which is another way of saying, “write what you know.” But besides writing what you’re intimately familiar with, write like your life is important. I know sometimes we all feel like our lives are occasionally dull, horrible, and eye-stabbingly painful (make sure it’s someone else’s eye), but that’s because we’re the ones living through them. Someone else’s life always looks more interesting to us (which is why we read and write to begin with), but we should remember that the world is chock full of someone else’s. Look at your life from the outside and you may be inspired by what you find.

So when the idea meteors are just bouncing off my noggin, I try to use one of these techniques. I hope I’ve helped all of you out there on the intra-web to some fresh inspiration as well. And now, as another wise man said, I will go home and attempt to “Learn it. Know it. Live it.” Thank you Judge Reinhold, and thanks to the Stiletto Gang for letting me visit!

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Thank you for visiting, Bethany! You are too funny (and so is your book)! For more scoop on Bethany and her fabulous debut, BULLETPROOF MASCARA, visit her at BulletproofMascara.com.