Tag Archive for: Jesse James

Whose Responsibility is this Mess?

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Let me begin this with the assertion that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a pompous, two-faced, lying, sleazy idiot. Not a big surprise to anyone. In fact, most people probably thought that even before the latest love-child scandal erupted. Rumors about his misogynist behavior have circled the guy since he landed on these shores, and most certainly were big news when he began his political career eight years ago.

But what has struck me about this whole discussion about Arnold’s atrocious behavior, and poor, long-suffering Maria, is the dearth of conversation about “Patty,” his mistress and mother of his extra-marital child. It’s as if she has no responsibility for this mess. From all news reports, she’s not a victim of a sexual assault, but a willing participant in a decade-plus sexual relationship. She was as complicit as he was, lying just as easily to everyone, including her own son, as he did to his family.

So while I give no pass to the Governator, when we ignore the role that mistresses play in affairs, then we infantilize women, assume that they are unable to make their own decisions about right and wrong.

About ten years ago, Katie Roiphe wrote an article for the New York Times about the double standard of adultery. “It’s as if the historical oppression of women justifies all sorts of bad behavior and self-indulgence and a whole new double standard.” We are appalled at the transgressions of Tiger Woods, Jesse James, John Edwards, Newt Gingrich, but ignore the women who willingly jumped into bed with these Lotharios – and eagerly sold their stories to the press. No sooner do these affairs get revealed, that many of these women “lawyer up.” As soon as I see Gloria Allred is a part of the news cycle, I know that some charge of sexism is close behind and a demand for an apology (e.g., a cash settlement) is next.

Surely the most important victims in this sordid tragedy are the children, most especially a thirteen year old boy who, if he didn’t know who his real father was, now discovers a man who was willing to publicly ignore him (regardless of monetary support ) – or if he did know, was asked from infancy to join in a great conspiracy of silence. UGH.

The news cycle on this unholy mess isn’t over. There’s still divorce settlements and movies-of-the-week to be made. There’s plenty of blame to go around – but in our fight to ensure that our daughters are treated fairly and equally – then we need to also teach them to take responsibility for their decisions and actions. Bad behavior isn’t limited to any one gender.

Marian, the Northern half of Evelyn David

Oh for Goodness Sakes

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Fair warning: Another judgmental blog.

According to Whoopi Goldberg, Jesse James may have simply been searching for “something different” outside his marriage to Sandra Bullock. On her TV show, The View, she explained, “Hey, listen, I did it five or six times … Yes, I screwed around. Yes, while I was married. I made those mistakes too, yeah. It happens sometimes. It happens. Maybe he was trying to find something different too.”

Well, okay, then. As long as he found what he needed, then the detritus left in the wake of this marital betrayal, the humiliated wife and devastated children, are just unfortunate casualties.

We’ve all been subjected to way too much information about men in the public eye and their mistresses. I’m always left thinking that these guys have too much time on their hands and too much money to waste. I’m not naïve enough to think that men working two jobs and still barely making ends meet aren’t capable of cheating. But maybe if you didn’t have so much household help that frees you from the necessary, but not glamorous jobs required to keep the home fires burning, maybe you’d have less time to dream up loathsome costumes for you and your honey to wear. And please Mr. James, don’t tell me how your Jewish godfather gave you the Nazi hat, so that makes it okay. Rule number one: it’s never okay to wear Nazi uniforms or tattoo swastikas on your body. No exceptions.

When my kids were little, my husband and I spent our evenings doing homework with them (Oy, that second grade project of the planetary system hanging off a wire hangar mobile); or arguing with them over what constituted a sufficient number of green beans that needed to be consumed by children under ten at dinner; or making hundreds of rice krispie treats to be sold at bake sales that would finance something (a class trip, a charity, the school play). In other words, being covered in marshmallow goop was time-consuming, messy, and yes, sometimes fun, but in any case, always used up any spare time that might have been spent on outside nookie.

And not only have these men found the time to fool around, but heck they’re going for world records in having multiple mistresses simultaneously. And the subtle implication that Mr. James was lonely because his wife was in Alabama filming what would turn out to be the biggest role of her life – um, if you’re lonely, pick up a book and read it. Or better yet, pick up several and read them to your kids.

But in any case, I think I can safely speak for many of the Stiletto Faithful when I ask, nay demand, that all these folks should shut up. I don’t want to hear any more public apologies, nor do I want to hear any more demands for personal apologies from mistresses who feel betrayed by their lovers. None of this should be played out in the media – and nobody should be making a buck from this sordid mess (hear that Gloria Allred?).

Indignantly yours,

Marian (the Northern half of Evelyn David)

Some Basic Rules

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I know that my daughter (and yours) already understands these concepts, but apparently Rielle Hunter did not, so I’ll spell them out.

1. If you take off your pants in front of a photographer, he’s not shooting a headshot. It makes you look even dumber than dirt when you then complain that his focus was elsewhere.

2. If you have an affair with a married man and get pregnant, don’t then tell the world in an interview that he wanted you to have an abortion. It makes you heartless when you consider that an already rocky, if not impossible, father-daughter relationship will forever be tainted by the information you provided. (Corollary Rules: anything put in print is in print forever; if it has ever been on the Internet, it can always be found. Kids, stop sharing stupid photos on Facebook).

3. If you have a child, and this applies to homewreckers and politicians alike, don’t photograph her for a magazine spread as part of a campaign to “humanize” you. That’s not your kid’s job. Bad enough she has to grow up with the craziness of two self-centered parents.

4. If the man is still married, don’t describe your love affair as “till death do you part.” It’s just tacky (although you may not have a clear grasp of what’s tacky).

Since I’m in a judgmental, but helpful mood, I’ll add the following: if the rumors about Jesse James, husband of recent Oscar winner Sandra Bullock are true, here’s a tip: if your intended extramarital love object has more tattoos on her face than eyes, don’t expect her to be discreet. Corollary Rule: If she is featured on an adult web site, don’t be surprised if nothing is “sacred” between the two of you.

And last rule for the day for those who stray: If your annual income has more than six figures (or you’re married to someone who earns that much), and you troll in bars for company, here’s the bottom line: money talks, fast and loud. Are you listening, Tiger? There may only be fifteen minutes of fame allotted to those who have sex and tell, but they can be a lucrative 900 seconds if you play your cards right. Ugh.

Judgmentally yours,
Marian (the Northern half of Evelyn David)

Murder Takes the Cake by Evelyn David
Murder Off the Books by Evelyn David
http://www.evelyndavid.com