My Best Friend, the Kitchen Timer
by Linda Rodriguez
I have a new best friend. Well, not really new. We’ve been
very close before, and then as the press of daily life and work took over, we
started to see less and less of each other. You know the way these things
happen—not because of anything either of us did but the world got between us.
I’m sure you have friends like that. It’s not that you aren’t still friends,
but just that you don’t have the chance to see each other that much anymore.
Then, one of you goes through some kind of crisis, and suddenly the other is
there with support and whatever help you need, and you’re reminded of how much
this neglected friendship means to you and swear you’ll never let the world and
work get in the way of it again.
very close before, and then as the press of daily life and work took over, we
started to see less and less of each other. You know the way these things
happen—not because of anything either of us did but the world got between us.
I’m sure you have friends like that. It’s not that you aren’t still friends,
but just that you don’t have the chance to see each other that much anymore.
Then, one of you goes through some kind of crisis, and suddenly the other is
there with support and whatever help you need, and you’re reminded of how much
this neglected friendship means to you and swear you’ll never let the world and
work get in the way of it again.
When I had to leave my fulfilling career in higher education
for medical reasons, it was devastating. At first, the doctors couldn’t figure
out what was physically debilitating me, so couldn’t really give me much help.
Eventually, they diagnosed me with lupus and fibromyalgia and prescribed
steroids and DMARDS (disease-modifying drugs) to protect my organs from further
damage and help begin to control the overwhelming fatigue, joint and muscle
pain, and muscle weakness. (Fun lupus fact of the day: As with most autoimmune
diseases, lupus has no medicines developed specifically for it, but uses
organ-transplant-rejection drugs, cancer chemotherapy drugs, and other similar
powerful and expensive remedies.)
for medical reasons, it was devastating. At first, the doctors couldn’t figure
out what was physically debilitating me, so couldn’t really give me much help.
Eventually, they diagnosed me with lupus and fibromyalgia and prescribed
steroids and DMARDS (disease-modifying drugs) to protect my organs from further
damage and help begin to control the overwhelming fatigue, joint and muscle
pain, and muscle weakness. (Fun lupus fact of the day: As with most autoimmune
diseases, lupus has no medicines developed specifically for it, but uses
organ-transplant-rejection drugs, cancer chemotherapy drugs, and other similar
powerful and expensive remedies.)
Determined to become active again and work at the writing
career I’d originally aimed at before being derailed by family needs into
higher education administration, I began to use a kitchen timer to help me
return from the helpless mists of illness. I would set it for fifteen minutes
and walk around the house, then go lie down to recover, set it for another
fifteen minutes and sit down to try to write, then go lie down to recover, set
it again and do a simple household chore that didn’t involve a lot of exertion,
then go lie down, on and on ad infinitum throughout the day. My rheumatologist
was impressed with the recovery I made with this simple routine and told me he
wished he could get his other patients to do the same. Over months and months
of this, I slowly built up a reasonably normal life again. I was actually able
to function and to build a new career.
career I’d originally aimed at before being derailed by family needs into
higher education administration, I began to use a kitchen timer to help me
return from the helpless mists of illness. I would set it for fifteen minutes
and walk around the house, then go lie down to recover, set it for another
fifteen minutes and sit down to try to write, then go lie down to recover, set
it again and do a simple household chore that didn’t involve a lot of exertion,
then go lie down, on and on ad infinitum throughout the day. My rheumatologist
was impressed with the recovery I made with this simple routine and told me he
wished he could get his other patients to do the same. Over months and months
of this, I slowly built up a reasonably normal life again. I was actually able
to function and to build a new career.
As I grew stronger and busier, I used my trusty kitchen
timer less and less. It was nothing my friend had done, of course. Life just
caused us to drift apart. Until another disaster stuck—breast cancer. After
three surgeries in two months, culminating in a radical mastectomy, I found
myself weak, fatigued, in pain, and brain-fogged from all the medications and
treatments. Suddenly, my dear friend showed her loyalty and support again and
helped me rebuild my strength and life.
timer less and less. It was nothing my friend had done, of course. Life just
caused us to drift apart. Until another disaster stuck—breast cancer. After
three surgeries in two months, culminating in a radical mastectomy, I found
myself weak, fatigued, in pain, and brain-fogged from all the medications and
treatments. Suddenly, my dear friend showed her loyalty and support again and
helped me rebuild my strength and life.
We had been once again drifting apart when my last
chemotherapy treatment suddenly included a new additional infusion, and the
combination tipped me over into a massive lupus flare, even once the terrible
chemo side effects settled down somewhat. Only this time, I couldn’t take the
medications that helped suppress the flare because of interactions with the
chemotherapy and other cancer meds which were still circulating in my body.
Once again, I was knocked flat, and my loyal, too-often-taken-for-granted friend,
the kitchen timer, came to my rescue.
chemotherapy treatment suddenly included a new additional infusion, and the
combination tipped me over into a massive lupus flare, even once the terrible
chemo side effects settled down somewhat. Only this time, I couldn’t take the
medications that helped suppress the flare because of interactions with the
chemotherapy and other cancer meds which were still circulating in my body.
Once again, I was knocked flat, and my loyal, too-often-taken-for-granted friend,
the kitchen timer, came to my rescue.
We were in the middle of downsizing a big, old house in
which my family and I had lived for 42 years. I put off the realtor’s
walkthrough for another month. I was also in the midst of writing another book,
which had a publishing deadline that I couldn’t really put off. So I rose in
the morning, ate breakfast, took what meds I could and waited for them to go to
work. Then I set a timer and handwashed a few dishes (no dishwasher in that old
house). I couldn’t stand in one place for long without pain and weakness in leg
muscles, but the warm water helped me get my hands to function. When the timer went
off, I sat down to try to write a few words, setting the timer because sitting
for very long caused problems with my knees and hips and writing on the
computer or by hand for very long caused cramps and pain in my hands, arms, and
shoulders. When the timer went off, I moved to the heavily-cushioned recliner
to elevate my legs and rest my arms, setting the timer again. When it went off
next time, I packed items for giveaway in boxes or filled trash bags and
recycling bins from cupboards, closets, two attics, full basement, and garage. And
eventually, we got through the move, things got better, and I neglected my old
friend again.
which my family and I had lived for 42 years. I put off the realtor’s
walkthrough for another month. I was also in the midst of writing another book,
which had a publishing deadline that I couldn’t really put off. So I rose in
the morning, ate breakfast, took what meds I could and waited for them to go to
work. Then I set a timer and handwashed a few dishes (no dishwasher in that old
house). I couldn’t stand in one place for long without pain and weakness in leg
muscles, but the warm water helped me get my hands to function. When the timer went
off, I sat down to try to write a few words, setting the timer because sitting
for very long caused problems with my knees and hips and writing on the
computer or by hand for very long caused cramps and pain in my hands, arms, and
shoulders. When the timer went off, I moved to the heavily-cushioned recliner
to elevate my legs and rest my arms, setting the timer again. When it went off
next time, I packed items for giveaway in boxes or filled trash bags and
recycling bins from cupboards, closets, two attics, full basement, and garage. And
eventually, we got through the move, things got better, and I neglected my old
friend again.
Now, once again, my dear pal has turned up when I need her
most, proving to be a most loyal and devoted friend, as I struggle with the
aftermath of a shattered shoulder, destroyed rotator cuff, and the onset of yet
another auto-immune disease. With her invaluable help, I feel sure I will do
what I must and still recover my strength. I’ve come to realize that the
problem with our relationship lies with me. I forget that I need to pace
myself. I forget that I need the help of my friend, the timer. I get busy and
self-involved and forget that I need this friendship. I have vowed that I’ll
not make that mistake again.
most, proving to be a most loyal and devoted friend, as I struggle with the
aftermath of a shattered shoulder, destroyed rotator cuff, and the onset of yet
another auto-immune disease. With her invaluable help, I feel sure I will do
what I must and still recover my strength. I’ve come to realize that the
problem with our relationship lies with me. I forget that I need to pace
myself. I forget that I need the help of my friend, the timer. I get busy and
self-involved and forget that I need this friendship. I have vowed that I’ll
not make that mistake again.
Do you have friendships that have drifted apart for similar
reasons? Is there a good friend in your life that you see less and less often
as you get busier?
reasons? Is there a good friend in your life that you see less and less often
as you get busier?
Linda Rodriguez’s Dark Sister: Poems is her 10thbook and is a finalist for the Oklahoma Book Award. Plotting the
Character-Driven Novel, based on her popular workshop, and The World Is
One Place: Native American Poets Visit the Middle East, an anthology she
co-edited, were published in 2017. Every
Family Doubt, her fourth mystery featuring Cherokee detective, Skeet
Bannion, and Revising the Character-Driven Novel will be published in
2019. Her three earlier Skeet novels—Every
Hidden Fear, Every Broken Trust, Every Last Secret—and earlier books of
poetry—Skin Hunger and Heart’s Migration—have received critical
recognition and awards, such as St. Martin’s Press/Malice Domestic Best First
Novel, International Latino Book Award, Latina Book Club Best Book of 2014,
Midwest Voices & Visions, Elvira Cordero Cisneros Award, Thorpe Menn Award,
and Ragdale and Macondo fellowships. Her short story, “The Good Neighbor,”
published in Kansas City Noir, has
been optioned for film.
Rodriguez is past chair of the AWP Indigenous Writer’s
Caucus, past president of Border Crimes chapter of Sisters in Crime, founding
board member of Latino Writers Collective and The Writers Place, and a member
of International Thriller Writers, Native Writers Circle of the Americas,
Wordcraft Circle of Native American Writers and Storytellers, and Kansas City Cherokee
Community. Learn more about her at http://lindarodriguezwrites.blogspot.com
Caucus, past president of Border Crimes chapter of Sisters in Crime, founding
board member of Latino Writers Collective and The Writers Place, and a member
of International Thriller Writers, Native Writers Circle of the Americas,
Wordcraft Circle of Native American Writers and Storytellers, and Kansas City Cherokee
Community. Learn more about her at http://lindarodriguezwrites.blogspot.com