Tag Archive for: Puff Daddy

Call Me Old-Fashioned

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I guess Mazel Tovs are in order. Nicole Richie announced on The Letterman Show that after two kids together, she and Joel Madden have decided to tie the knot.

Marriage-phobia to me is weird. You get married, and if you don’t like it, you get divorced. I’d like for folks to take it a little more seriously than Brittany Spears first Vegas 25-hour nuptials, but assuming no children are involved, it’s paperwork.

I can even understand those couples who take a principled, anti Prop-8 stand and declare “we’re not getting married until all couples have that choice.”

Where I get confused are those men and women who feel like the commitment to each other is harder than a commitment to a kid(s). Frankly, without children, you never have to see each other again. Once you have a baby, if you intend to be an involved parent, you’re going to be seeing a lot of that other person for the rest of your life. And if you really are committed to being a good parent, that means not bad-mouthing your ex- no matter what a jerk he/she may be. Are you listening Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin? How about you Sherri Shepherd? Putting kids in the middle is always, always wrong – period.

Sean Combs, of Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Diddy fame, delayed marriage until “the time is right.” He made that declaration while his long-time girlfriend, Kim Porter, was pregnant with twins. As he carefully explained, “I have to be ready to get married.” So, in the end, Kim and he split, and he’s the father to five kids by three different women – but doesn’t have a divorce paper in his safety deposit box. Now maybe he’ll get the Father of the Year award, but I have to wonder about anyone who gives his sixteen year old son a $360,000 car as a birthday gift. Actually, I’ve got questions for anyone who gives a car of any vintage or price to a 16-year-old. Maybe he didn’t want the kid to practice on his Rolls?

But the point is, parenting is more than money – although obviously, I expect all parents to financially support their minor children. I’m not even going to say Bravo, Sean, for working out child support arrangements with all the mothers. He’s supposed to do that.

Nor am I suggesting that having kids precludes divorce if the marriage is unworkable or unfixable. (I understand that for gay couples, marriage, and therefore divorce, is not yet an option is most states). But a clear, strong commitment between parents pre-kids would certainly be on my list of prerequisites prior to deciding to have kids. If nothing else, it tells your children that commitment to another person is not only possible, but wonderful.

But in the meantime, is Nicole registered at Bed, Bath, and Beyond?

Marian, the Northern half of Evelyn David

Murder Takes the Cake by Evelyn David
Murder Off the Books by Evelyn David
www.evelyndavid.com

Babies Having Babies

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Time magazine reports that 17 girls at Gloucester High School are expecting. The moms-to-be are just 16 years old. Some younger. Apparently they made a pact to get pregnant and raise their babies together. The sperm donors, since I scarcely can call them fathers, include a 24-year-old homeless man.

I love being a mother. I can remember the first time John, my boyfriend (eventually my husband), and I talked about having kids. We were just beginning to get serious, but I blithely announced that I wanted six children. John has admitted that his first inclination was to walk, very fast and very far away. We ended up with four kids, which was the perfect size for us.

But what was clear to me long before I had these little darlings is that once you have them, um, you have them. I could envision dumping husbands (singular or plural), but there’s no divorcing kids.

Which is why I’m always astonished at couples who have no hesitation to procreate, but are worried about making a commitment to each other. To me, marriage was easy, and quite frankly, fixable if it was a mistake. But kids? Like it or not, and certainly all parents will agree that there are moments which are not blissful (I’m a writer so I dutifully checked for a synonym for my first word choice: ghastly), having children is a no-money back, lifetime commitment. Sure there’s nothing like new baby smell, which if they could bottle it, I’d buy a case of the stuff. But there’s also nothing like wall-to-wall baby poop, which the little one has smeared “everywhere” upon awakening from his “10-minutes I’m done for the day” nap.

I’ll take Brad and Angelina (do they need last names?) at their word that their refusal to marry is based on principle. They insist they’re committed to each other and their burgeoning brood. Of course, Angie’s already been married twice and Brad’s batting 0 for 1, so it’s hard to be sure that principle is the only reason why they’re avoiding the wedding cake dessert.

But what about P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, whatever? I’ve got nothing against the man. He certainly seems to take financial responsibility for the five children he’s fathered with three different women. But as to any strolls down the aisle, it’s not going to happen soon. “I have to be ready to get married,” he insists. Ready for what? I mean you have to be ready to raise kids too, and that’s more than writing a support check every month (although that’s obviously preferable to not writing one).

The teen years are a time to study, have fun with your friends, do crazy (but safe) stunts, and simply put, grow up. Sure, having a child puts you on the fast track to adulthood – but what’s the rush? Babies having babies is wrong for the mothers and their offspring. And teens getting pregnant, as part of some bad initiation rite, is a club no girl should be joining.

Evelyn David
http://www.evelyndavid.com/