Tag Archive for: resolutions

One Word

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by Paula Gail Benson

This year, I received a gift that has me thinking differently about New Year’s resolutions. The gift is a book entitled One Word that Will Change Your Life (Expanded Edition), written by Jon Gordon (a leadership speaker with a training/consulting company), Dan Britton (a speaker, writer, coach, and trainer who serves as the Chief Field Officer with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes), and Jimmy Page (author, speaker, and leadership coach). It was given to me and other members of our church’s congregational council to encourage team spirit and help establish and focus on “relationships” (the word selected for our council members this year).

So, what is the “one word” method? How does it work and how do you determine your word?

The authors explain in the Introduction: “One Word that Will Change Your Life is a proven way to create clarity, passion, power, and life change. Each year, resolutions are rarely kept, and goals are often easily forgotten. But One Word sticks. By living a single word that is meant for you, you’ll find renewed purpose and meaning throughout the year and achieve laserlike focus and power for your life.” (One Word, p. x)

According to the authors, while 87 percent of people make new resolutions and goals each year, 50 percent of those folks keep their resolutions and goals only through January. The authors contend, with resolutions and goals, “[s]uccess is measured by what we accomplish instead of who we become.” (One Word, p. 2) They said, “By embracing, owning, and living a single word for 365 days, our lives changed. Instead of being weighed down with unrealistic resolutions and unmet goals, One Word provides an entirely new perspective on how we approach our year. It frees us up. One Word gives us renewed purpose and meaning.” (pp. 5-6)

The authors recommend a three-step process for finding your word: (1) prepare your heart by removing yourself from “busyness” and contemplating in “silence”; (2) ask God what word is right for you and listen for an answer; and (3) keep your mind on the word as you face life and consider how its perspective changes how you view and react to events.

You can start the process at any time and concentrate on a single word for any amount of time you choose, but don’t repeat a word—select a new one for the year or time-period.

The book itself takes about 49 minutes to read. It is available in audio format. At the end of the book is an “action plan” that provides questions and exercises to help discover your word and think about how to use it. Also, there is a website: GetOneWord.com, and X and Facebook accounts.

In addition, these authors have collaborated on a One Word book for children and a book called Life Word, about finding your passion and creating a legacy.

If you went with a single word instead of a list of resolutions or goals, what would your word be?

photo of champagne glasses and 2024 numerals

Doing More of What Works

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by Sparkle Abbey

Wish for it, hope for it, dream of it

Happy New Year from us to you! Since it’s the beginning of a new year everyone’s talking about resolutions or goals. It appears that there’s a bit of a divide on whether New Year’s resolutions are considered a good thing or not anymore.

On the one hand the beginning of a new year seems like the perfect time to take stock and see how you’re doing. It’s a fresh start, a clean slate, and perhaps good time to set some goals. Or at least establish some better habits.

A recent Forbes article states that according to their survey 62% of us feel pressured to set a new year’s resolution. With 87% feeling optimistic about keeping it throughout the year. Most goals revolve around improved fitness, finance, or mental health. In the writing community, we find that there are usually similar goals being made around writing, publishing, and reading.

We’re big fans of goals and in previous years we’ve shared our views on making your goals specific and measureable. As well as on planning your path to reach them and tracking your progress.

This year we’re taking a little bit different approach and the simple version of what we’re doing is focusing on what’s working and doing more of that. A recent read “Getting More of What You Want” by Margaret Neale and Thomas Lys focuses on the latest advances in psychology and economics to negotiate well. In short, to get what you want. You can read more about that here: Getting More of What You Want by Margaret Neale and Thomas Lys | by Margaret Neale and Thomas Lys

But isn’t achieving your goals really about negotiating with yourself?

Our previous approaches to goal-setting weren’t wrong. SMART goals are smart, right? (The letters stand for: Specific-Measurable-Achievable-Realistic-Timely.)  But this approach can fall a bit short when you’re reaching for a creative goal. You see, some of those things are outside your control.

Another recent read, “Start More Than You Can Finish” by Becky Blades also provided food for thought. And who can resist a book named MUST READ by the Next Big Idea Club.  An excerpt and more about the book and the Next Big Idea Club here: Start More Than You Can Finish

Because for us this is always an evolving process, where we’ve landed this year on setting goals is this:

  • Make a list of what’s working and figure out a way to do more of that.
  • Make a list of what’s not working and stop doing that.

At its essence, it’s still about defining what you want and planning how you’re going to achieve your goals. But it also acknowledges those things that you’ve accomplished. Things that are going right.  And it also defines what got in your way and how you’re going to eliminate those things. Because maybe the most important thing about achieving your dreams in 2024 is getting started.

What are your thoughts? Do you set goals at the beginning of a new year? Do you pick a word or a thought to focus on for the year? Or are you in the anti-resolution camp?

We’d love to hear your thoughts.

book cover for Desperate HousedogsSparkle Abbey is actually two people, Mary Lee Ashford and Anita Carter, who write the national best-selling Pampered Pets cozy mystery series set in Laguna Beach. Their series features former Texas beauty queen cousins, Caro, a pet therapist and, Melinda, a pet boutique owner. The most recent installments (book nine) BARKING WITH THE STARS and  (book ten) THE DOGFATHER continue Caro and Mel’s murder-solving adventures. And PROJECT DOGWAY is a short that brings the cousins together – sort of.

But here’s some great news, if you’ve not yet started the series (or would like to share the series with a friend) the first book, DESPERATE HOUSEDOGS, is currently on sale for 99 cents in all ebook formats!

Find it at your favorite place to buy books! 

Everything That is Not An Elephant

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by J.M. Phillippe

I am notoriously bad at remembering the source of stories, so I can’t remember where I heard this story first. I have been using it, and telling this particular version of it, for as long as I can remember. This is the version I tell:

There was a master sculptor and an apprentice sculptor, and one day the Master set a huge block of marble down in front of the Apprentice.

“Apprentice,” he said, “I want you to carve me an elephant.”

“But Master,” said the Apprentice, “I don’t know how to carve an elephant.”

“It’s simple,” the Master replied. “Simply start by carving away everything that is NOT an elephant.”

The moral, I tell people, just in case they have missed it, is that sometimes the best way to figure out what we are is to start by carving away everything we are not.

(When I looked up the story to try to find the origins, I found many versions, several attributed to Michelangelo about carving “David” by carving away everything that was not “David”. In some ways that’s an even more apt analogy than the version I tell, but I’ll stick with mine because I like elephants and not everyone wants to try to carve out themselves as a Greek version of the perfect man.) 
I break out this story whenever people talk about mistakes. “Feedback, not failure” was a popular motto at one of my old jobs. Every time we find a way toward a goal that doesn’t work, and every time we carve away some part of ourselves that is “not an elephant”, we get closer and closer to success, and to finding who we really are. Mistakes, for better or for worse, shape us.
Most people will be starting the new year with a list of resolutions. In therapy, I prefer to use the word “intention” because it doesn’t have that same “do or fail” feeling to it. While resolutions often feel like a destination, intentions are about the journey. Intentions make room for all that wonderful feedback that will come from finding all the attempts at change that don’t work.
Here is my other grand piece of advice: motivation will fail you. Trust structure. If you want to change your life, reshape your day, and build into that day space for the habits that will lead to change. Start with one habit a week — eating breakfast, going to bed an hour earlier, stretching. Keep in mind that your day is already filled with those things you currently think of as bad habits, so you will have to replace an old habit with a new one if you want to actually change. Sleeping instead of more time on social media. Exercise instead of that extra hour of TV a day. If you want to know what changes you actually will be able to make, start with a list of things you are willing to give up in your current routine. Carve away everything that is not part of the kind of day you want to have. Fill the space with your elephant of choice. And be prepared for finding lots and lots of ways that replacing “bad” habits doesn’t work, until you finally find the way that does work (personalized to you). 
For the record, none of this is as simple as it seems. Change always seems simple to someone who has mastered it, and terrifyingly difficult to the apprentices just starting out. And it seems like every turn of a new year makes apprentices of us all. 
Happy carving everyone!
***
J.M. Phillippe is the author of Perfect Likeness and the short story The Sight. She has lived in the deserts of California, the suburbs of Seattle, and the mad rush of New York City. She works as a family therapist in Brooklyn, New York and spends her free-time decorating her tiny apartment to her cat Oscar Wilde’s liking, drinking cider at her favorite British-style pub, and training to be the next Karate Kid, one wax-on at a time.

Spring Has Come – Time for a New Resolution by Debra H. Goldstein

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SRING HAS COME – TIME FOR A NEW RESOLUTION by Debra H. Goldstein

The snow is melting!  The snow is melting! Spring is here!  There’s actually a jonquil popping its head up in my yard (sorry guys, we’ve had some 60-70 degree days).  As a writer, I am reborn when the sun comes out.

With rebirth comes a new sense of responsibility.  It is one that I have been sorely lacking since I stepped down from the bench.  It is the willingness to commit my time and energies where my mouth has claimed to be.  Sure, I’ve produced one sold book (Should Have Played Poker: a Carrie Martin and the Mah Jongg Players Mystery coming from Five Star Publications in 2016) and ten published short stories in the past sixteen months, but I’ve done that writing in spurts.  I’ve repeatedly said, I can’t discipline myself enough to write daily but I write up a storm when the mood moves me.  In the meantime, I’ve organized and executed a wedding for 326 people, gotten into a regular mah jongg game, been active on many civic boards, taken on numerous isolated projects, traveled for pleasure and writing, and been hit by the biggest continuing wallop when I lost my mother in November.

People tell me they’re amazed at what I’ve accomplished and I smile and accept their nice words, but deep down, I know I am a fraud.  Secretly, I watch with envy and astonishment the accomplishments of three somewhat early in their career authors whose work I enjoy and who I greatly admire as people – Edith Maxwell, Leslie Budewitz, and Terry Shames.  Each has produced multiple books and in Edith and Leslie’s cases, multiple series, in the same time period.  They also do a million things outside of their writing.  What’s the difference?

Don’t even go there with the obvious answer – their talent, writing skills, and wonderful characterizations.  Leaving those givens aside for a moment, it is their discipline.  Each sets a daily or weekly word goal and they reach it.  They set further goals for revisions.  Their results speak for themselves – well written, well-edited books they can be proud to put their names on and which fans, including me, can’t wait to read.

Many of us can string words together, but without self-discipline we are condemned to be writers of excuses instead of multiple works.  Spring is here and with the rebirth of the year, we all have an opportunity to start anew.

Starting 2010 on the Right Foot (or the Left Foot, If You Walk That Way)

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by Susan McBride

I’m not sure how 2010 got here so quickly, but it did. Sometimes I’m glad when a year’s over, and other times (like now) I wonder how 365 days could’ve zipped by in a couple of blinks. Regardless, I like the idea of getting a chance to start over, if you will. What better excuse to attempt self-improvement than making New Year’s resolutions? So I’m going to show you mine, and maybe you’ll show me yours.

Resolution #1: Banish negative thoughts and stop dwelling on ickiness from the past. I just read EAT, PRAY, LOVE, and that’s a huge theme running through the book. My goal this year is to keep scooping out the poopy stuff like used cat litter so I can better focus on the positive. Or as John Burroughs put it, “One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things.” Amen.

Resolution #2: Pause before I speak (or email). Instead of reacting emotionally and immediately to everything, I need to step back and take a breath first. I’ve had a few chances to practice this recently, and I did a pretty good job. Maybe one of these days it’ll become second nature.

Resolution #3: Keep cheering on my friends and their triumphs because a victory for one is a victory for all. Really. The more good stuff that gets spread around, the better.

Resolution #4: Practice random acts of “just because,” like surprising someone with a thoughtful note or kind word when they least expect it.

Resolution #5: Be self-disciplined enough to exercise regularly and eat good things because my body deserves it. How can we care for those around us if we don’t take care of ourselves?

Resolution #6: Enjoy the moment. I am famous for looking too far into the future and worrying about things that haven’t happened yet (although I’m not as bad as I used to be). If I stop and smell the roses more, I’ll spend less money on Tums.

Resolution #7: Forgive myself for bad judgment and recognize that everyone I’ve met who’s had an impact on my life, good or bad, has helped me to make a choice and/or learn a lesson and/or realize what I truly want/need/love. Stepping in doo-doo sometimes reminds us of how unpleasant it is to have stinky shoes. So next time, we’re a little more careful of where we walk. (If Confucius didn’t say that, he must’ve thought it.)

Resolution #8: Continue to test myself as a writer, tackling projects that once seemed terrifying and out of reach. Every time I survive something crappy or write something I never imagined I could write, I understand better how anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

Resolution #9: Read as much as humanly possible in a variety of genres. Reading, like exercise, is something I’ve been carving out more time for. I love when I find stories that not only entertain me, but inspire me. Like, Garth Stein’s heartfelt THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN, Sarah Addison Allen’s magical GARDEN SPELLS, Kate Morton’s meaty multi-layered THE HOUSE AT RIVERTON, and Elizabeth Gilbert’s engagingly soul-baring EAT, PRAY, LOVE. I so agree with Thomas Jefferson’s remark that “I cannot live without books.”

Resolution #10: Stop writing resolutions because I could go on forever, and life’s too short.

A-hem. (Lifting a virtual glass.) Here’s my toast to everyone as we enter 2010: May we always strive to be the best we can be and forgive ourselves when we stumble now and then; may we never be too busy to appreciate the sweetness of a kind word or a held hand; and may we never run out of wonderful books to read so that our minds can explore new people and places without having to pack a bag or leave the house. Cheers!